My whole world revolves around this room.
Every single day I stared at the empty ceiling.
Hugging Dolly each night that I felt lonely.
This huge empty bed, the ticking clock and the enormous button in the wall.
It was all I ever had and saw.
"How are you feeling today, Jessie?"
"I'm fine but can I go outside today?"
"You know that you're not allowed outside, how many times must we talk about this?
Your not fine yet so you have to stay inside."
"But I AM fine!"
"No, there's something wrong with you so we have to fix it."
"I'm not a toy! I'm not something that should be fixed. There's nothing wrong with me."
"Your actions aren't normal!"
"Then what is normal!? What's wrong with me!? Am I weird for defending myself? Not geting along with people?
Why should I force myself to feel emotions that others want to see?
Why am I not allowed express my honest feelings?"
"They feel uncomfortable if you're not doing what they expected and told you to do!"
"And why should any of that be my problem!"
"Learn how to read a room!"
"I know that better than anyone else.
If dad was still here, none of this would've happen."
"Shut up and get back to your room!"
*SLAM!!*
In my mother'e eyes I was deranged, crazy and abnormal to live in normal society
So she hid me away from the world and everyone else
Since I was nothing but an embaressment to her good reputation.
She'd lock me up in my room
And tell me to get better.
But how?
What is wrong with me that I needed to get better?
I still remember the day that mom told me to stay in my room
Dad was already gone at that time.
She said that she wanted me to make friends so she brought along her friend's children.
They were teasing me about my father's death and that made me upset
I tried to get away from them but one kid pulled me to hard and kept forcing me to stay
It hurts so I tried to break free from them but they ended up getting hurt in the process.
He cried really loud so all the adults came.
The child's mother was infuriated so she screamed at me
Telling me it was my fault
I tried to explain that it wasn't, but nobody listened not even my own mother
She immediately scolded me and bowed her head without even asking me
She said that I should apologize but what about me?
Aren't I hurt too?
What about me though?
Don't you care how I feel?
What happened that day broke my heart
I lost all respect and trust to my mother
Who'd readily sacrifice herself and her family's well being
Just so she could get along with everyone else.
She locked me up telling me to reflect
Saying that I grounded
But was that wrong of me?
It was fine if I stayed just for a day or a week in my room
But she locked me up forgetting that I was still trapped there
I remained there for a month
With no window, no food, no water.
The room that I used to adore and love
Drove me insane.
These walls that has gigantic ears that hear every word that comes out of my mouth and every thought that shows up in my head.
The four corners of the room that stares and look right into my soul and into every fiber of my being.
The clock's mouth that screams every night and laughs at my helplessness.
And the suffocating smell of the moldy ceiling that spreads throught the room.
She would only opened the door once a month asking me if I was already better
But she brought me back in again when she realized I wasn't.
I'd beg her every night to let me out.
"I promise I'd do better!
I promise I'll get along with the others.
I promise to behave
So please...
Mom...
Let me out.
I'm begging you. I want to get out.
Please forgive me."
For some reason, she ignored all my pleas and decided that I was hopeless to bring to the outside world.
As I grew older, I got tired of begging and asking for mercy.
There was only silence that echoed the room.
It's always been like this.
They observe me. They watch me. They mock me.
How some she's so crazy? They said
But they were the one who drove me insane.
I used to be curious of what it was like outside but I forgotten it all.
It became a whole 'nother world, something foreign and unknown.
I became terried at the thought of it and reject all ideas linking to outside.
Maybe mother was right, that the outside world was a terrying place after all.
I remained inside and locked myself up
Away from everything that I fear.
Time passed once again
Our positions have switched
She kept begging me to step out of my room
"But mom, the walls are talking and whispering in my ear.
They said it's dangerous outside so I won't go."
I'd hear her knock and cry every night in my doorstep
But where were you in the past years?
Did you ever care about me?
You begun noticing me because the world started blaming you for what I have become.
But you were never there when I needed you the most.
If you were just a little bit earlier
Then maybe I wouldn't have turned out like this.
I'm sorry Mom for ruining your life.
