broken//matthew espinosa

Chapter 13: i dont care about you

matthew

i feel like sometimes people dont understand how much there really worth to some people. when Carter died, he didnt think about how sad and lonely i would be when he left. he didint realize how much he was worth to the millions of fans he had. theres a video out on the internet of Carter crying at an event, and him walking through the groups of girls and leaving. everyone thought he was being mean and selfish for keaving his fans, but he was really leaving because he had anxiety. too much togetherness, too many people in one room, too many people being too loud, and too much hate, caused Carter to leave that room. it wasnt because he hated the fans, he loved them. he just had anxiety. why dont people beleive us when we say this? why do they think that he hated his fans? if Stephanie ever left me, i think i would kill myself, so i could be with him and her. i guess she doesnt realize how much she means to me.

she means everything to me.

she stares at the pavement as tears drip down her cheek, and then staining her shirt. why did she want to die? i sit down next to her and wrap her in my arms.

"you cant get away from life this easily." i tell her.

"i could if you wouldnt of stopped me." she says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"i saved you from dieing, and this is what you say to me?" i ask her, pulling away and staring at her.

"you should of just let me die. i would of been happier dead."

"you want to go die? jump. i dont care anymore. you can go home to your drunk mother and die. ask me if i give a shit." she stands up and walks to the edge of the roof again. she takes a deep breath, and i look at her. her tank top blows back as a cool breeze comes by. she stares at her flip flops and her hands make a fist.

"i cant beleive your letting me do this." she smiles. i stand up, and reach my arm out to her, but put it back down. she wants to die? go ahead and die. she puts her arms out and moves closer to the edge.

"why havent you fell yet?" she puts her arms down and looks at me.

"you really dont care about me, do you?" i start to speak but then stop. shes not grateful for me saving her. i shake my head. she puts her arms out and takes in another breath.

she leans forward and her heels lift off the ground.

she falls forwards, and her hair flies back.

"STEPHANIE!" i scream, i climb off the roof and run downstairs and outside, to see Stephanie laying on the ground. shes....gone.

"Stephanie wake up, come on wake up!" i cry. she doesnt move. i pull out my phone and dial 911.

"hello, 911, whats your emergency?"
"My girlfriend just commuted suicide and I need an ambulance. I'm at 36 kings street please hurry."
"We're on our way. Stay calm." I hang up and comfort Stephanie. I move her head a little so she's looking at me. Her eyes slowly open but then slowly close. The ambulance pulls into the driveway and my mom runs out.
"WHAT IS GOING ON!" She yells. I give her a "leave me alone it's my fault that this is happening" look. She crosses her arms as the paramedics run over to us with a stretcher. They lift her on to it, and put her in the back of the ambulance.
"Can I please go in the back with her? I...I just need to make sure she's okay. They roll they're eyes and nod at me. I get in the back of the car ambulance and stand next to her stretcher. I hold her hand bs she slowly grips back.
Just knowing that she's still trying to be alive after trying to die, makes me happy.