broken//matthew espinosa

Chapter 16: im so stupid

I'm gonna be (500 miles): sleeping at last

Nothing arrived (live): villagers

Blue lips: Regina Spektor

Mushaboom: feist

First day of my life: bright eyes

Nicest thing: Kate Nash

Gravity: Sara Bareilles

Stay: Rihanna

I don't feel it anymore (song of the sparrow): William Fitzsimmons

Celestial: Tori Kelly

1000 times: Sara Bareilles

Hold back the river: James Bay

stephanie
I slowly open my eyes and I don't recognize where I am. I sit up, and realize that I'm naked under the sheets.
"Crap." I mumble. I look next to me to see Cole sleeping. What have I done. I quickly gather my clothes and change back into my dress and shoes. I walk down the stairs to see people sleeping in the great room. I slowly walk out the door and quietly close the door. Even the front yard smells like alcohol. I walk back inside the house, realizing that I left my purse in the kitchen. I walk into the kitchen and grab my bag. How do people sleep in the kitchen?
I walk back out and sit on the porch steps. I pull out my phone and stare at the screen. I feel the sudden urge to throw up. I cover my mouth and stand up. I move over to the grass and puke. The acid burns my throat as I take a seat again. I can't drive. What am I going to do? I dial the number and free three rings, he picks up.
"What?" He snaps.
"I..I need help. P..please pick me up." I stutter.
"Okay. I'm on my way. Don't do anything stupid." He says. I end the call and sigh.
"I already have." I say to myself. 10 minutes later I see Matt pulling up onto the grass. I stand up and sit down in the passengers seat of his car. I sigh and put my seatbelt on. He starts driving and once we reach the main road, I feel like I'm going to puke again. I cover my mouth, hoping that it will go down, but it comes back up. I puke on my shoes and Matt looks at me. He rubs my back as I cry into my hands. He has one hand on the wheel and one rubbing my back, so I feel nervous that he might crash.
"It's okay. Your okay." He coos. I continue to cry now, but softer. I feel more safe. We pull up to Matts house and we both get out of the car.
"Matt I..I'm sor-"
"Go upstairs and lay down. I'll take care of everything." He says. I nod and walk up the stairs to his room. I sit on his bed and take in the smell. It's that axe smell that every girl likes, and wish they could pull off cause it smells so good. He comes into the room and hands me a cup of water and a pill.
"Did you...do anything last night." He sits down next to me and i shrug.
"Take that." He says.
"Just in case." I pop it in my mouth and take a sip of water to wash it down.
"Here." Matt stands me up and he takes my dress off, which leaves me in a bra and underwear. I feel awkward, considering i hate my body. Matt stares at me and sighs. He places his fingers on my neck and traces it down my stomach.
"What did he do to you?" He whispers. He walks over to the bathroom and starts the shower.
"Are you okay? Do you need help getting anything off?" I nod, because in too tired to even stand. Alcohol really hits you in the morning. He walks over to me and un clips my bra, and then I tell him I can take off my underwear. He walks me to the bathroom, and never moves his arm from my waist. He helps me step into the shower, and he closes the curtain.
"I'll get you a towel." He says. I hear him leave and I sigh. I wish I never got drunk.
"I'm so stupid." I mumble.
"Your not stupid." He says, placing a towel on the ledge of the shower. He leaves again, but this time closes the door. I stay in the shower and let the hot water hit my body. I stay in for a good 30 minutes, and then I turn the water off and step out of the shower. I stare at myself in the mirror and see all the blueish blackish marks that start at my neck and trace to the bottom of my stomach, and I realize why Matt traced his fingers there. I hear a knock on the door and I quickly cover myself. Matt walks in and hands me my bag. I try to smile at him but he looks away.
"I...I'm sorry." I say to him, and look at the floor. He closes the door and I dry my hair and walk out f the bathroom with my towel on. Matts sitting on his bed, playing on his phone.
"I,uh, can I have my dress?" I ask him.
"I put it in the wash for you." He walks over to his dresser and pulls out a shirt. He walks over to his bed and picks up my underwear. He hands the shirt and the underwear to me, and I blush out of embarrassment. I walk back into the bathroom and put on the shirt and underwear. I walk back out and sit next to Matt on his bed. We stay quiet, and I feel like I should say something. We stay quiet. Quiet.
That is until he slowly intertwined my fingers with his.
"I'm sorry." I tell him.
"No, I'm sorry. I overreacted." He says.
"I..I just." He starts. He looks down at his lap.
"I wish it was me who gave you those marks." I smile and look at him.
"Maybe later." I tell him, and rest my head on his shoulder.