broken//matthew espinosa

Chapter 18: wake up your dreaming

Magic: Coldplay

I miss you: incubus

I won't give up: Jason Mraz

Paper hearts: Tori Kelly

Home again: Michael Kiwanuka

So cold: Ben Cocks

Painter-valentine: lapsley

stephanie
"It's hard talking to you, Steph." Cole says. I lean back in the passengers seat and run my fingers through my hair.
"Why is it hard? I fucking try so hard to talk to you about everything. You zone out." I say to him. He smiles and looks down at his lap, then back on the highway.
"Do you want to get wasted?" He asks me. I look out the window and take in a deep breath.
"Okay." I mumble. He smiles and makes some turns. We end up at a bar. Cole gets out of the car, and opens my door for me.
"Thanks." I say to him. He puts his arm around my waist and we walk into the place. We start to walk towards the bar when a man stops us.
"Do you have an id?" The man asks us. I look at Cole and bite my lip. I was never good with fake id's. I was never really good at lying, in fact.
Cole shows him the id and the man looks it over. He hands it back to Cole and the man nods. He motions us to the bar, and we take a seat.
"Most alcoholic thing here. Three each." The bartender looks at us, shocked. He smiles and shakes his head.
"Alright." He says. He pours stuff into a cup and then hands three cups to each of us. The gold liquid in the cup swirls around as I contemplate on drinking it or not. Cole chugs his down, so I decide to do the same. It burns my throat going down, and has a sour aftertaste. Cole takes the next cup and chugs it again. I do the same, and it doesn't feel as bad. He takes the last one, and I do the same.
"Okay." He says. He stands up and grabs my hand, leading me to his truck. I sit in the passengers seat, and watch him stumble to the other side of the car.
"You okay with driving, babe?" I ask him, placing my hand on his leg.
"Better than ill fucking ever be." He tells me. Cole pulls out of the parking lot and starts to drive down the highway. He swivels out of a lane and I quickly grab the wheel, making sure he stays in his lane.
"Your fucking drunk." I whisper to him. He takes hold of the steering wheel again, as I sit back and cross my arms. He pulls into his driveway and I shakily hop out of the truck. He walks over to me and grabs my ass, and I move his hand away. He places his hand back on my waist and we walk to his bedroom. Cole shuts the door and I give him a funny look.
"What the hell are you doing?" I ask him. He smirks and walks over to me. He pushes me back on the bed and tries to lift my top off. He starts kissing my neck and by now, my whole shirt is off.
"Stephanie." He says.
"Cole..stop." I tell him.
"Stephanie." He says again.
"Stop!" I say again.
"Stephanie."
"STOP!"
I shoot up from the bed and I'm panting, sweating, shaking. I'm having an anxiety attack.....in my sleep?
Is that even possible?
"Stephanie?" Matt says. He's sleeping to the right of me, and he's now sitting up in bed. His face is worried, probably wondering what's going on.
"I..I need...I need my....my bag." I stutter, and point to the bathroom. He nods and runs to the bathroom, bringing me my bag. I quickly open it up and take 3 pills.
My vision gets less blurry, and my head stops spinning. But I'm still panting.
"Stop,stop,stop!" The memory's of my dream come back into my head, as Matt takes back his spot to the right of me. I lay my head on his bare chest and he rubs my back, creating a warm friction.
"What the hell was that?" He whispers. Intake in a deep breath.
"I have really bad anxiety." I whisper back to him, as he holds me tighter.
"Do you get those a lot?" He asks me. I nod.
"But weren't you sleeping? How did you get one in your sleep?" I shrug and run my eyes.
"I guess I was having a really bad dream." I tell him.
"What was it about?" He asks. I look at my feet.
"I don't..really uh...want to talk about it." I choke.
"You can tell me anything."
"I said I don't want to talk about it!" I snap, sitting up now.
"I..I'm sorry for asking. It's none of my business. I'm sorry." He says. I sigh, and lay my head back down on his chest.
"I'm sorry." He says again, right before I fall back asleep.