Notes

7 am Thoughts (Jan 2015)

7 am thoughts

Jan 6
She says she doesn't believe love exists, at least not for her; but when she cries herself to sleep at night worrying about him, it's love that keeps her there, keeps her waiting, for the good she believes is in him, to come out. It's love that keeps her heart forever his after he broke it and tried to give it back. It's love that feeds the faith that he is more than shallow lust, deep apathy, low falls, and drunk highs.

Jan 8
It's easier to clear my mind than justify my thoughts.

Her lips tasted of mint toothpaste and her breath smelled like tea.

The only real thing about me is my pain.

Jan 9
I'll throw you out of my heart so you can't leave a hole in it when you leave.

Tired and half-dead, my first coherent thought is still you.

Jan 12
I should know better than to binge in the morning without leaving time to clear it out...

I'll never say "I miss you" again. You'll have to read between the lines.

Jan 14
Foggy windows with grimy fingerprints of young artists. Just past that, a black mountain silhouette, cutting out from the backdrop of a pink and scarlet sky, with clouds tumbling around the peaks like the ash of a volcano. Early dawn stars glimmering out as black fades to blue then grey.

Jan 15
In his absence, she filled with a symphony of pain.

Jan 20
Funny thing is, I'm a week early
But that changes nothing
Today is going to be my day
I'm gonna rock some eyeliner and it's not gonna run.
I'll be perfectly okay.

Jan 23
But what if it was all part of the game? Even the warning that there would be one in the first place. Isn't it much more fun to hunt when the prey knows you're coming? And what if the promises were scripted? What if even the regret afterwards was faked, as the final act of this tragic comedy with a well written plot... And then somewhere backstage, the victor quietly snickers at the success. It all went so well, not only did they convince the crowd, but the actress herself didn't have a clue. All that time she'd thought it was real. And now she sits at night, speculating what really happened.

Jan 26
If the prince leaves the princess and she waits patiently for years and he comes back, she's the hero for never giving up on their love. But if he never returns, she's a fool for holding onto something that was never hers. And the worst part is, she'll never know which one she is. But either way, if she does give up, all she'll ever be is lost.

Jan 27
Smile; it's Tuesday.

Jan 29
It's a terrifying and awfully defeating thought to realize that we will never be able to escape from existence. There will never be an end, just more eternity.