Notes

Jan. message to Him

January...
Should I send it...? Nah
Michael listen to me and listen closely.
I don't care what you say. I'm not letting you do this. There is hope. Even in the darkest moments, when it feels like there is nothing left to live for, there is ALWAYS hope. As long as we are both breathing there will be hope. And for the sake of that hope why don't you take a leap of faith and give it a chance? At best, this whole thing will blow over and you'll get away with a small punishment, and never do it again, then we can move on with our lives and be happy. At worst, you get the full sentence. Chances are, you'll probably get something in between the two extremes. But at worst... Five years? Ya, that'll be hard. It would be BEYOND hard. That is going to test every bit of patience I have. I would be counting seconds off those years. I would write so many letters that I would go broke buying stamps to send them all. But you know what? It's five years. Most people live to be around 80. That's five years of our lives apart, but you know what else? Those five years would put our strength and loyalty to the test. If we were ever meant to be together, those years will only strengthen our resolve. It's like pottery. In order for the cup to be useful, the potter shapes it, then mashes it and remakes it again and again. Finally, he puts it in a kiln of extreme temperatures. The cup comes out solid. But then the potter smashes it, and puts it back together. Then he smashes it again. He does this over and over until the cup no longer breaks. Those five years are going to hurt, but like the cup, in the end we'll be stronger than before. And think about it this way... If you really are going to get an all out punishment, then instead of pushing me out of your life, shouldn't we be living every day to the fullest, and not wasting the precious time we have left? Shouldn't we be making memories that will bring smiles to our faces in the moments of despair, instead of tear-stained memories that will shatter our hearts over and over again? This is about hope Michael. This is about trust, about talking a leap of faith and about letting your heart lead you. It's about letting go of all doubts and wariness and about taking chances. Didn't you teach me about all of those things? Weren't YOU the one that told me it's okay to take chances for being happy, even if there is a risk of getting terribly hurt? Why are you trying so hard to prevent what might never even happen, and sacrificing both mine and your happiness for it? Just allow yourself to ponder that for a moment. Keep an open mind, and think about it from every point of view. Then when you're done, come back and either hug me or shoot me.