Notes

Reminders to my future self

January 2nd

Reminders to my future self:

Remember all the things you've always stood against. Just because you have been pressured into doing them doesn't mean you have to ever repeat the mistake. 

Don't allow these foreign bad habits to slip into your inventory of acceptable methods of self destruction

He hurt you. Just because you have been used over and over by one person does not mean you should ever allow anyone to use you like that again. Do not let his actions degrade your value to complete worthlessness.

Just because something happened for the first time does not mean it has to ever happen again.

Don't try to fit in with the wild crowd. You'll drink out of pain, they'll drink because that's all they know, and no one will see you sinking. You will become a shell of yourself and no one will blink an eye because you'll look just like everyone else. They don't know that for you this is suicide.

Destroying yourself won't prove anything to him. He won't care that he ruined you, move on and stop looking for closure, you'll never get it.

The old me would be appalled at who I am today, and I would probably be horrified at who you've become. But don't forget that you're still you, and I'm still here. The past, present, and future; we are all one. Do not be discouraged by the fact that you've changed in ways you swore you never would.

You're kind of a strange case. You're not a special snowflake, but you forget a lot of times that you're not meant to be like most people, and that's not a bad thing. Remember to take time off to refocus on your values, and don't take it personally when the world doesn't readily accept you with open arms. It was never supposed to be easy for you. Stop seeking love from those that would never have embraced your mind before it was stained and corrupted.

I'm sorry if thing haven't gotten better for you yet, but don't give up. Fight for yourself. It's what the old you would have wanted.