Why does it feel like whenever I finally feel like I'm getting close to someone, I unknowingly push them away with my own blunt stupidity. By trying to be close to them, I only manage to mess things up. By trying to be the friend thats always there for them, that one cheerful person who's always around to give you advice, always happy to see you, always the one to go to, the first person you always team up with, the reliable, cheerful friend. A best friend. I guess I'm not meant to have the kinda friend who I can say absolutely anything to, who I spend most of my time with, who I can always count on to feel the same way about me as I do about her. The kind of girl that will care no matter what, that even when the whole world turns on you will stay loyal till the end, the friend who will stand up for you when you make yourself look stupid. The friend who will guess what I'm thinkin without me having to tell her. I'm just not the the type of girl to have a "bestie"... I'm the stupid blonde that poeple keep around for entertainment or to not look like a loner. Of course, they deny that, but we both know they just dont have anyone else to hang out with at the moment, or they need someone to walk them somewhere, a little escort. And when they don't need me they just get rid of me. I'm not the kinda girl that can say the most stupid thing but everybody will just go along with it. I'm the one everybody laughs at, even my friends say I'm stupid. I'm
more of a joke than a friend. Poeple call it "clingy", I just want to belong. Guess I'm just not meant to ever be close to someone, a mutual feeling of belonging. I'm only gonna have temporary friends, ones that come and go, never really stay for long. So many times I've thought that I made a best friend, one thats here to stay. And of course they all say that were still friends, I'm just too abnoxious, too close, too wierd, too MUCH. So eventually it fades out, to the point where were not friends, we're "aquantiences"....
Every part of me is cold
Such a sad lonely feeling it is
To stand outside in the rain, alone
With no friend to help dry your tears
And the hour goes on
And the feeling stays
And the rain doesnt stop
And no friends ever came
No one ever said hi
No one called out my name
I just silently stood there
With nobody to blame
Hating myself
And wishing the earth
Would split up wide open
And swallow me whole.
Its the loneliest feeling
When you just want to cry
With nobody to hug you
No one to ask why
YOU ARE READING
Notes
De TodoA glimpse into my mind. These are notes from my phone, starting from 2013 to the present day. My poems, rants, late night thoughts, things I've seen and heard, words I wanted to remember. (Note: There is some content hinting at various mature or tri...
