Notes

Message To Him. Jan 2014

Maybe I'll fix that somehow. I'll get to surprise you for once. I hope that can make you happy for a while :) ...I just wish we could have just spent one last day together, as if everything was fine. Then peacefully departed. I think to make it easier, when I think of you, I'll imagine you happy, in love with a beautiful girl that sees through you and cares about you. I hope she loves Jesus too... I hope she teaches you to believe. As long as you learn to believe again, I could die alone but I will be the happiest person in the world. I made a vow that I would show you the light if it's the last thing I do, or die trying. Maybe once you move on and find that beautiful sweet girl I'll be able to be your guys's friend. Maybe she'll like me :) I'll be your close friend and I'll help you both be happy. And then I will have fulfilled my vow, and will be able to rest in peace, because I don't take promises lightly. That why I rarely make them, unless I'm truly ready to give up everything to carry them through. So now, instead of praying that God uses me to be a little light in your dark world, I'm going to pray that you find that girl, the true one, your other half. The one that you were meant to be with. I'm going to pray that she'll enter your life soon. I want her to come as soon as possible so maybe I'll be able to truly smile again :) It'll make both of us happy. Maybe me and her can be friends. And we'll all hang out and I won't have to worry about you because you'll be her little idiot now and she'll take care of you. I hope she's smart and witty enough to actually win some of the debates you guys will have instead of giving up for the sake of peace like me cx I hope you'll learn to show that you care in ways other than physically. I just hope she's as close to an angel as they get. I want her to be yours. I can already see her now. She's beautiful. Maybe she wont be as pretty when you first notice her but once you get to know her you'll start seeing her differently. So remember not to ever judge a book by it's cover. You have beautiful eyes by the way. I don't think I ever told you that, but I've always been fascinated by them. I still hope to meet your mother someday, she really seems like a great person. Except you know, I won't get to call her mom, bur I still think I'm going to love her. Maybe she'll be like an aunt to me. Bummer though, I've always wanted to meet someone who would be like a real mother to me. Maybe I will. I can hope for that. And hey, maybe once you find that girl, you two could come live in that Cul De Sac that I talked about. I can imagine her being like an older sister to me almost. That's another thing I wish for. A sister... Honestly I kind of just wish for a family. Especially a father, you know, the real kind, the loving caring ones, who would hug their daughters when they came home in tears instead of hit them. I hope you find a fatherly figure like that in your life someday. I'll be so happy for you. I really wish you would listen to your mother more. I bet she probably has many things to teach you that I never would be able to. And I hope someday you learn to live every day with a burning passion for life, and you learn to see things as I once did. I hope I don't stay numb forever too. Just until you find that girl. I don't know if it's something that you can control. I think once you find her and you are both truly happy, I'll be able to be happy again too. By the way, I want to be the first to know! Just because you want us to both move on doesn't mean we can't be buddies later on in life. :) Maybe it'll be like the bro and sis kinda thing and I can be the sister that you never got to see. Or maybe we'll just be really good friends :) And oh yes! She'll sing for you ❤ Maybe we'll all sing together, do bands ever have three vocalists? Oh yeah the song btw is called The Motions by Matthew West. He's a Christian singer but a lot of his songs are just simply meaningful and inspirational and uplifting (check out My Own Little World by him, it's a good song too) Ahh so many songs I want to recommend. I never got to make you listen to them all xD it's okay, once we all become friends again I'll show you them. Maybe she'll like the same music too... Although I doubt she'll be much like me. I'm one of a kind :p haha jk jk.