How to Survive Shopping (Ruleshorror)

13 Rules for Surviving Buffets

So you're back home after a fabulous vacation filled with safe street food, and have shopped yourself out  and want to eat some food. Like, an absurd quantity of food. So you seek out a buffet. It's certainly a choice from a health perspective, but financially they can make a lot of sense. I'm not a dietician or an account, so I'm not going to talk about the mundane health and fiscal risks/benefits, but I am a resident Spooky ExpertTm, so allow me to lay out how to stay safe from the supranatural functions of a buffet.

Most buffets make you take a new plate every time you go up for cleanliness reasons. The other reason is because if enough "food" matter acclimates on one plate, it can come to life. And it's not a happy one.How do buffets come up with so much food? You don't really wanna know, but I will say it's a similar experience to a Walmart stockroom-it's not really of this world.Do. Not. Consume. Buffet. Mystery. Meat.
Given how much food is consumed at a buffet, it's an easy way to sneak in something cursed or unsavory. Don't eat it unless you or staff can identify it.If the buffet's other customers seem inhuman, they probably are. Tread carefully or you might be on the all-you-can-eat menu.Buffets work because there's often a sacrifice in the quality or sourcing of the food. Not always, but often. You presumably already accept this, which is fine. If you find ectoplasm in your food, that is not fine. Report it to management immediately, they need to know and likely don't.Conversely, if you find discernable parts in your food that shouldn't be there, don't tell management. They already know and you need to leave.If it's the kind of joint that has attentive waitstaff for despite being a buffet (like a Golden Corral), you need to tip. You never know who or what the waitresses really is.Don't try and leave with a giant to-go bag. Greed can burn, both through the bag and you.If you're at a pizza buffet, there's probably a bizarre cacophony of interesting pizza options. I daresay it's why you're there. I simply advise to not eat the glowing pizza or the wiggling brownies.If you're at a nice buffet, still treat it like you would a regular nice restaurant. The place still could have guardian spirits, and being boorish will anger them even if it's $23.99 all-you-can-eat.I get you're likely at the buffet to save some coin. Be forewarned, however, that shortchanging them can get you cursed. There are two primary forms this takes:
11a. All-you-can't eat: you become repulsed by food and lose hunger. This may sound good for your diet initially, but it doesn't end well.
11b. You are driven by a desire to consume, consume, consume. You will ingest anything and everything, despite it being to your detriment.Some buffets have little extras inside. Be aware of their rules.
12a. Some buffets have little arcades attached. Pacman is usually safe. Off-brand games with disturbing case graphics, however, should not be played alone.
12b. Don't play the claw machine with your eyes closed.If the buffet has pre-set portions (as opposed to you serving yourself), only take the portion you can definitely eat. This is good etiquette anyways, but it also prevents Beings from becoming enraged at preventable food waste.