How to Survive Shopping (Ruleshorror)

13 Rules for Surviving the Candy Shop

Perhaps you have a sweet tooth, or maybe you are looking to gift candy to a potential paramour. Maybe the candy shop by you is adorable and sells tons of sweet stuff. Perhaps it has a theme that's absolutely adorable and you like wandering about. Maybe you have tiny humans and it's a good bribe motivation. For whatever reason, you're off to the candy store. Here's some guidelines on how to stay safe. 

1. Rules about samples and not being greedy still apply here. In this specific case, you might find yourself on a sugar high like never before, and a crash you may never recover from.

2. Don't leave young children unattended. They don't know how to regulate their own consumption yet, and that can end very poorly.

3. If you insult the ridiculously sized monster jawbreakers as actually-not-that-big while you are still in the shop, you will wake up with a mysteriously broken jaw the next morning.

4. If there's dispense-it-yourself candy (like fill a bag to weigh), turn off the dispenser when you're done. Beyond the fact it's incredibly rude to make the $8 an hour cashier sweep up all that candy (and waste the stock), you run the risk of it being an infinite candy machine. You may like M and Ms, but do you want to drown in them?

5. If it's a themed candy shop that hearkens back to another time, it's another fairly easy place to open a time pocket. Question why that small child is not only dressed like it's 1952 (perhaps his parents' choice) but talking like it too.

6. Bubblegum machines dispense bubblegum. Those weird little toy machines that are also a quarter dispense weird toys. You can find yourself profoundly lucky or unlucky in the latter situation.

7. Framed. Candy. Bars. On. The. Wall. Are. Not. For. Sale. You've heard of "break in case of emergency" - if you break that glass there will be an emergency.

8. Related: is it really a good idea to take a sample of the hard taffies from the 1930s that look like they've been there that long?

9. You can find some bizarre, interesting, consumable things in the bargain bin at the candy shop. You can also find some significantly less consumable things or things that you, personally, as a human should not consume.

10. Candy shops are one of those places that Beings like to seek employment, specifically those that look harmless and have a wicked side (akin to how sugar tastes sweet but too much can mess you up). Lots of totally-harmless-looking-Beings like to shop at candy shops too-just because they have 10,000 teeth doesn't mean they don't have a sweet tooth.
Basically, be nice to the staff and your fellow shoppers.

11. Lots of candy shops have all sorts of cool stuff from around the world. I definitely encourage you to try new things and kinds of sweets. With that said, if the wrapper burns your hands to touch, that's not people candy (well, it might be people candy). If you're not sure what something is, ask the staff and they can enlighten you. If it's just some Icelandic treat you're pronouncing wrong, they'll correct your pronunciation and describe what it is. If it's not for you they'll try and dissuade you from purchasing it.

12. I get some candy shops are super cute and very ~aesthetic.~ I understand that you want to take pictures. Great, go for it. If you could have sworn that a staff member or another customer was behind you and they didn't appear in the picture, it's time to leave.

13. Don't try and pay for your purchase in candy coins. It won't end well.