"There's barely enough time to love in a lifetime, please don't give it all away to pain," his words were gentle, yet slightly pleading as his hand trailed down my cheek.
"But what if the pain has already consumed me?"
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𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐎𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫
JIMIN
Do you ever feel like God has favourites? Because I do. Ever since I was young, I knew the world was against me in one way or another.
I came from a well-off family. My dad was an accountant, probably one of the smartest people I've ever met in my life. My mother was a designer that had people travelling from anywhere and everywhere for her to design them new garments. Every dress or suit would be tailor-made to perfection and would reflect her tremendous love for art. I guess my father gave me my intelligence and my mother gave me my nimble fingers.
With such loving parents, I didn't expect to be where I was today. I didn't think my parents would ever give me up at such a young age and throw me in an orphanage, but that's just how shit goes down, I guess.
I was ashamed, so much so that not even my closest friends knew the truth about me. I told everyone a different story, afraid that they'd ask questions or discover just how dark my past really was. It's funny because every now and then I start to believe my lies, but reality catches up with people like me and reminds them of what they truly are.
Scum.
I've lived my life as the boy my parents thought I was. They thought I was evil, so I became evil. They thought I was violent, so I became violent. They thought I was selfish, so I'd take and take until my victims had nothing left to give. It worked well for a long time, but then I met Namjoon who saw the fake facade. It sickened me that someone saw right through me. I lost all the control I'd built when I met him, someone else was there to take care of me for once and I revelled in it.
But there was always going to be that pain that was installed deep within me. Just because I could be vulnerable around Namjoon or Tae or Auntie, doesn't mean I could just discard that side of me that desired control.
I created the game. I lured Tae and Jungkook into it for more of a challenge because I'm fucked up and I wanted to hurt people. I wanted to inflict the pain I felt on the inside on someone else, and where better to do that than in the bedroom - It was my outlet. Girls threw themselves at me every day so why not make the most out of it - they were easy prey.
Don't get me twisted though, I'm not a rapist and I try not to fully tear these girls to shreds, there's still some humanity left inside me, but I needed my control back and the only way I would get that was by seeing someone drop to their knees in front of me. I wanted to see them flinch at my touch, cower at my body looming over theirs - but still beg for more.
It worked well, until her.
I didn't think it would ever happen. I didn't think I'd ever be so fascinated with a girl that I'd give up the chance to fuck her for my best friend. I never thought I could be so selfless.
