Backstabber (Five Hargreeves x Reader)

Memes Pt.8

Hey everyone so sorry that I haven't updated in a rly long time but I finally finished the next chapter that you'll be getting tomorrow💖💖

(Y/n): Hey.
Five: YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
(Y/n): Ok, cool. I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.

Five: Yeah, we're arch-enemies, but I would fuck you if you asked.
(Y/n), blushing: What?
Five, blushing: What?
Klaus, eating chips in the background: He said he would fuck you if you asked.

(Y/n): You can trust me
Five: I don't even trust the way you just said I could trust you

(Y/n): *walks into hospital* I'd like to return myself
Nurse: u can't-
(Y/n): I have the receipt *hands them her birth certificate*
Nurse: no problem come right this way

Lana: Children are the best fundraisers because they don't understand economics
Lana: The pupil who raises $500 dollars for the Facility will get this free hat
10 year old (Y/n), Tana & Melanie: That is such a great deal

Five and (Y/n)'s child: Hey daddy, do you want to see my picture
Five: Why? Don't you usually show your mom first......
*child hands Five the picture*
Five: What is it?
Child: It's me beating up mommy's abuser Lana Griz
Five: ......
Child: ......
Five: This one's going on the fridge

Five: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
Klaus: What??
Five: (Y/n) ASKED ME OUT!!!!!
Klaus: REALLY?? When??
Five: JUST NOW!! We have a date for February 30th!!!!
Klaus: There... is no February 30th...

Melanie: Now you made me cry. I'm crying!
Tana: Baby...
Melanie: This isn't the time for pet names!
Tana: That wasn't a pet name. I called you a baby
Tana: I'm insulting you

Tana: what's with these people telling me I'm "full of myself"?? of course I'm full of myself what else is my body supposed to be full of
(Y/n): bees

Five: each of my siblings specialize in their own type of stupidity

(Y/n): what should we do now? we have some time to kill
Klaus: [visibly worried] w-who would we even kill

Klaus: It's weird that it's called a "mosquito BITE"; "bite" implies jaws and teeth, not like, picking and sucking
(Y/n): would u rather have us call it mosquito succ
Klaus: Hell yeah

(Y/n): u ever think about how ur skeleton is always wet
Diego: I wish I never had but thanks for ruining my life
(Y/n): don't worry! there will come a time when it's not :)
Luther: Thanks! Even worse

Doctor: Im sorry You have only a day left to live
(Y/n): Dammit
Doctor: We know this is a lot to take in
(Y/n): Nah im just bummed i gotta wait

Klaus: What state do you live in
(Y/n): Constant despair

Allison: Is that blood?
(Y/n): No?
Pogo: That's not a question you're supposed to answer with another question!

Klaus: We shouldn't trust what (Y/n) says
Allison: But she hates Lana, why would she betray us for her
Klaus: Because I bet she's still working with her
Allison: But why though?
Klaus: CHAOTIC LESBIANS STICK TOGETHER

Everyone: [tells Five to do something]
Five: no
(Y/n): do it
Five: ok

Five: Come on now, I wasn't that drunk
(Y/n): You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important
Five: *tearing up* But you are.

Diego: So how long have you and (Y/n) been dating?
Five: Who? No, what? That's...uh-uh. That's not, why would you...how did you know?
Diego: You just seem really happy for the first time in a while.
Five: Huh.
Diego: I'm playing, man. I saw you guys making out in the alleyway last week. Congratulations, though.

(Y/n): [peeling a banana] May I take your jacket sir lol
Luther, right next to her: Do you think other people can't hear you

(Y/n): I will never betray the Despair Facility!
Five: *breathes*
(Y/n): I HAVE COME TO PLEDGE MYSELF TO STOPPING THE APOCALYPSE

That girl at the club about Luther: "He told me he sees me like a sister, then ten minutes later tried to make out with me."

(Y/n): the sexual tension between me and the person who just watched me hop out of a vent
( For those who play Among Us ^^^ )

Five: Love is DUMB.
(Y/n), walking by: Hi Five!
Five: . . .
Five: AND I'M THE DUMBEST BITCH ALIVE.