Backstabber (Five Hargreeves x Reader)

Memes Pt.2

( Author Chan: Sorry that I took a very long break from this book. But I'm back and while u wait for more chapters here are some good ol' memes )

Lana: If we were to make money I would've sold you as a prostitute without hesitation
(Y/n): ...
(Y/n): Why do you tell me this everyday?

[murder trial]
(Y/n): So you say you saw me kill who?
Witness: Your-
Both of them: Neighbor
(Y/n): Jinx! Can't talk!
Prosecutor: Damnit there goes our key witness!

Five: I crave the most innocent parts of a relationship. Like holding hands, and forehead kisses
Five: And being able to tell someone how much I absolutely adore them
(Y/n): And absolutely slaughtering them at Mario Kart

Melanie: OMG so I just figured out the word "hurt", it's past, present and future
Melanie: you will be hurt, you are hurt, you were hurt
Melanie: BECAUSE IF SOMETHING TRULY HURT, IT NEVER REALLY STOPS
Tana: you poetic little shit
(Y/n): it's because... it's an adjective...
Tana: you will be stupid, you are stupid, you were stupid

(Y/n): It sounds like bones breaking
Five: Bones? Where we're going, you don't need bones
(Y/n): WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GOING!?

Ben [to Klaus]: No one has a crush on me.
Ben [quietly to himself]: I'm too strong to be crushed.

(Y/n), holding flowers: Hey babe, happy one year
Five, surprised and confused: I'm 58

Five: *gets down on one knee*
(Y/n): omg, it's finally happening
Five: *falls over*
(Y/n): the poison is kicking in

Melanie: They removed the fucking sfw/nsfw toggle. Fuck this website
Tana: Melanie, this is a Christian website..
(Y/n): Cranky because you can't be horny aren't you

Melanie: Why are you staring at Tana like that?
(Y/n): I'm going to stare at her until she feels so awkward she has to talk to me

(Y/n): do you ever just see something that changes your life and you're like "huh"
Five: I saw you
(Y/n): honestly, that's so corny and sweet and it really makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a photo of Ryan Reynolds as a turkey

Tana: Am I the only person on the team who's straight?
Melanie: I've seen the way you look at me
Melanie: You're not that straight

(Y/n): Whoever murders me best not be caught because I'm aiming to be featured on Buzzfeed Unsolved

(Y/n): Don't worry, I'm not injured
(Y/n): I was lightly stabbed
Five: STABBED?!
(Y/n): Lightly

[at a bar]
Luther, 6'7 guy: *turning sideways* excuse me sir could I please slide past you
Five, 4'11 boy: *shoving past me as hard as he can* get the fuck out of my way stupid bitch

(Y/n): Did you eat my powdered donuts?
Klaus: *mouth full with donuts* No...
(Y/n): Then what's that white powder on your jeans?
Klaus: ...
Klaus: That's cocaine