Backstabber (Five Hargreeves x Reader)

Memes Pt.9

( Sorry that updates are running a little slow, I've just been getting a lot of schoolwork and work shifts so it got a little harder to just sit down and write a full chapter.

But can I get a few congratulations bcoz today marks the day I've been cigarette clean for a full 7 months!

Ik u guys don't know this about me but I started smoking in 6th grade and was addicted for 5 long years. It was terrible and I felt terrible. And even though it's still very hard to resist falling back into it, I'm v proud of myself for going this long without resulting to smoking.

You rly can accomplish anything if you put effort and devotion into it! Change is never easy, but if you need to drop a toxic trait you have then I know you can do it!

Love u all sm!!!💖💝💘😘 )

Diego: Did you have any clue that (Y/n) was suspicious of anything?
Five: No, she never said to me in the elevator "Guess what? I might be a psychopathic traitor."

Five: He must have drowne-
(Y/n): Looks like he died trying to drink this entire swimming pool

Luther: Five, are you taking a shower in the rain????
Five, after (Y/n) betrayed him: Of course not, that would be stupid, I'm cleaning my Karma.

(Y/n), about the Umbrella family: I scared them, didn't I?
Five: They're terrified of you
(Y/n): That makes me so happy

(Y/n): I hate my life.
Tana: I hate your life too.

*After Allison nearly dies*
Five: Why didn't you tell me!?
(Y/n), overly sarcastically: Well! Because I wanted us to fail.
(Y/n): OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T KNOW!

Five: YOUR MEMES ARE AWFUL!!
(Y/n): NO WAY! U LOVE MY DANK MEMES!!
Five: ...
Five, tearing up: I really d-do...

Five: (Y/n)'s not evil! She just lacks empathy and she goes into a dissociative state and commits atrocities
The whole Umbrella Academy: .....

Five: I wasn't that drunk
(Y/n): You called yourself dumb
Five: ...
(Y/n): ...
Five: ...
(Y/n): ...
Five: oh my god

Luther: You're a murderer!
(Y/n): Yeah, well, you interrupt people when they talk.

Five: I don't have a girlfriend, I have an arch nemesis and it just so happens... that we're romantically involved

*In "I Heard a Rumor"*
Five: Thank you, (Y/n)! I never doubted you for a second!
(Y/n): Thanks, Five! You're lying, though, right?
Five: Oh, yes. I doubted you very strongly.

Five: *is choking*
Klaus: Im trying to call 911 but the 9 button wont work
Ben: Just turn your phone upside down and use the 6
Klaus: Genius!
Five: *immediately stops choking* What the fuck-

*In "The Day That Was"*
Five: You played me like a fiddle!
(Y/n): Oh no, Five. Fiddles are actually difficult to play.
(Y/n): I played you like the cheap kazoo you are.

Tana: When I first met you, I didn't like you at all.
(Y/n): I am aware of that.
Tana: But then you and I had some time together...
(Y/n): Uh-huh?
Tana: ...It did not get better.

*In "Rescue the Princess"*
Five: are we fighting or flirting?
(Y/n): my hands are literally around your neck
Five: that doesn't answer my question

(Y/n): feel how cold my hands are
Five: I have radiator hands, let me help

*In "I Heard A Rumor"*
(Y/n): Why did you break the toilet?
Five: It reminded me of you
(Y/n): How so?
Five: Because it was full of shit

(Y/n): Five, I love you! <3
Five: Really?!
Five: *holds out his arms* Do you love me this much?
(Y/n): No, it's bigger than that.
Five: Ohh, how big is it?!
(Y/n): As big as how the apocalypse has left a huge scar on your life.
Five:

Five: I can't believe this, (Y/n)! I'm at a loss for words!
(Y/n), narrating: Despite being lost for words, Five yelled at me for the next 45 minutes

Tana: I had a dream you and I got into a fight.
(Y/n): Who won?
Tana: Me.
(Y/n): Yeah, definitely a dream.

Five: take me to art museums and make out with me
(Y/n): But they said to not touch the masterpieces
Five: Well somebody's gotta pin the artwork to the wall
Guard: This is Johnson, those idiots are fucking in the east wing again.

Lana, looking at the monitors: Looks like your boyfriend's coming to save you
(Y/n), embarrassed: ...I do not know that person
Five on the monitors: I'LL SAVE YOU (Y/NNNNN)!
Lana:
(Y/n):
(Y/n): Shut up

Klaus, wearing possibly the ugliest pants in the world: How do I look?
Five: (Y/n). Tell him how we think he looks
(Y/n): You look great!
Klaus: Aww! Thank you (Y/n) and Five
Five: NO!

(Y/n): yea, well, i hate you
Five: no you don't
(Y/n), bitterly: no, i don't

(Y/n): Five why are you on top of the fridge?
Five: Can I not be wherever I want?! maybe I just like it up here!
(Y/n):
(Y/n): Where's the spider
Five, quietly: under the table

*After (Y/n) shot Five*
(Y/n): That was a mistake.
Melanie: A mistake you're gonna laugh about one day!
(Y/n): But not today!
Melanie: Oh no, today's gonna be a mess.

(Y/n): You know what they say.
(Y/n): Go big or go home.
Five: I'm begging you, (Y/n). For once, go home.
(Y/n), whispering: I'm going big.

Melanie: I always make sure to stick my bare booty out of the sheets to tempt the demon hiding in the corner every night
Tana: Do you accept criticism?
Melanie: No

Five: (Y/N)!! GET OFF MY LAWN!!
(Y/n): HI FIVE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
Five: I LIVE HERE!
(Y/n): YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP!
Five: YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!
(Y/n): WHAAAAAT?!
Five: YOU WON'T GET A—
(Y/n): WHAAAAAT?!
Five: YOU WON'T GET AWA—
(Y/n): WHAAAAAT?!
Five: YOU! WON'T! GET! AWAY—
(Y/n): WHAAAAAT?!
Five: YOU—
(Y/n): WHAAAAAAAAAT?!