Backstabber (Five Hargreeves x Reader)

Changes Pt.8

Song Choice: Penelope Scott - Rät

(Y/n) crept through the halls with light footsteps, breathing as slow and quiet as she could. She held her gun tightly in a ready position, her arms straight stiff and her finger close enough to the trigger, so she was ready if anyone surprise attacked her.

She's been in this type of situation before, having to sneak around to reach the target she needed to kill. But this time it was different. The death of her target would not favor her if the word got out that their blood was on her hands. And if she got caught...

But no. She had to do this. So without further ado, (Y/n) pushed open the wooden door she finally reached.

"-the saying 'nothing lasts forever' was untrue. There were so many feelings that could last forever. Guilt, grief, fear, loneliness, hate. All negative, none positive. And that's what makes evil more powerful than goo-. Hm? Oh, hello (Y/n) darling." Lana said with her hands folded and her chin resting on them. She was seated with her elbows on her desk. "You caught me in the middle of my narration."

(Y/n) didn't bother masking her fear as her face displayed utter terror and timorousness. She stepped more into the large room with her gun still trapped in the tight confines of her hands. She knew that Lana could probably see her sweat on her forehead too.

Lana could see all of this. She smelled the fear right off of her. She immediately knew what was going on. "You finally snapped, huh?"

(Y/n) didn't respond.

"You finally broke free from your own mental prison. That you let yourself be mind controlled by the Umbrella Academy. That in the end you chose to do the right thing and not go through with the plan to destroy the earth. That you realized that you could never hurt Five, that it pained you to even think about Five no longer existing. That you realized you were on the wrong side of the war this whole time." Lana mocked.

(Y/n) did nothing but swallow and walk to the middle of the room, still facing Lana while gripping a gun. "When I first found the Despair Facility show, that first slice on someone's skin just blew me away. It made me feel something I never felt before. It was different. Then you came on screen. And I immediately idolized you. You were beautiful. You were confident. You were ethereal with power and triumph. Everything about you was amazing to me. Your persona, your authority, your methodology. I took everything you gave me and I even would've taken your crown because I just wanted to do everything you did. I learned and perfected everything the Facility taught me because I wanted to do something big and amazing like you. I wanted to be just like you. I stayed with you and lived here, I never complained because I was blinded by your success and greatness. I trusted you and loved you."

(Y/n) pursed her lips together as her eyes got wet from frustration. Lana only raised a brow, waiting for her prized pupil to continue. (Y/n)'s own brows scrunched together in anger, "The reason I became like this wasn't my fault. It was all your fault, you know? This is all your fault! It's always been! After everything I've seen outside the Facility, it made me notice that you controlled me! You manipulated me! And gaslighted me! You turned me into this! You turned me into something despicable! You made me insane! You tried to turn me into an exact replica of you. You changed who I am inside! I used to be pure and happy but then you-"

"I turned you into something strong." Lana cut off and slowly rose from her seat. "If you're the worst of the worst then you have nothing to be afraid of, because everyone is afraid of you. It's better to use others rather than be used." Lana walked around her to desk and started toward (Y/n), who pushed her heels harder to the ground to make sure she didn't move out of fear. "I destroyed your sanity to make you a God! You used to be just a little girl with a head hung low, you always had trouble fitting in with the other kids when I first brought you to the Facility. And now look at you. It's always prettiest after the fall."

When Lana was now fully in front of her after those words, (Y/n) screamed with a furious face while thrashing her gun around in a form of her meltdown. "Well I don't feel pretty! I feel rotten and barbarous! I'm disgusting! I've made such atrocious mistakes! Everywhere I go I feel like it's illegal for me to be there! You did this to me! So out of everyone that has ever lived gets to do this to you it should be me, I deserve to do this after everything you did to me. So I don't need your goddamn validation or praise! I don't need you anymore! If I lost you when I was younger, I don't think I would've been able to do anything. Because I felt like you without you I'd fall apart. But now, without you, I'd build into someone better and stronger."

(Y/n) sniffed and swallowed, letting only one of her hands hold the gun so she could jab her other hand's finger upwardly onto Lana's exposed collarbone since she was much notably taller with her stilettos. "Fuck your system, fuck your rules, fuck your status, fuck your restrictions, and just overall fuck you! You tore this place apart! I learned about what this place was like before you took over and it was never as flawed as it is now. You destroyed this place and I don't think it can ever be fixed. This new system you created is so fucked up and immodest that you can never undo and repair it."

(Y/n) looked into Lana's blue-green iris' and slowly lowered her accusing finger, her eyebrows slanting upwards to display sadness. "I still fucking love you though. I always never understood that mothers could be so unfair and mean to their daughters and their daughters say they hate them but they know that they still love their moms. I never understood that until I realized that's how I feel about you. I always thought of you as my mom. I never told anyone this but... that's what I called you in my head." Her voice quivered when she said her last sentence, proving just how heartbroken she was.

She swallowed once again to clear her voice and rubbed her free hand over her eyes to get rid of the beginning tears. "But you were wrong. The opposite of despair isn't gross or awful or makes you weak, that's what you told me. That's what you told everyone. But you lied. Doing good things actually feels really good. Not being feared makes me comfortable and... happy. The opposite of despair isn't boring, Lana. It gives me an amazing thrill that pain never gave me. I enjoy blissful happiness surrounded by people I love more than I ever enjoyed despair."

Lana stared blankly with a look of betrayal toward (Y/n) and anger toward the one who let (Y/n) get a taste of the light. "You don't mean that. Those hero pests are just brainwashing you and lying to you."

(Y/n) shook her head. "No they're not. And stop calling them such derogatory names. Just because they have a different way of thinking from you doesn't make them the enemy. I believed everything you told me and did everything you told me to do. But all that has changed."

Lana massaged her temple in aggravation. "Oh my god. You know I had a gut feeling that I shouldn't have assigned you to Five Hargreeves. I should've gone with that small suspicion. Because now him and his disgusting family have infested your mind." (Y/n) wanted to ask her what she meant but let her continue.

Lana separated her hand and looked at (Y/n). "They don't care about you, they're only pretending so they can get you on their side. They're only using you for your abilities, (Y/n). Everybody wants you on their team and you think they're any different? And once they've stopped the apocalypse what do you think they're going to do with you? Have you ever thought of the aftermath? You think they're gonna welcome you to their home with loving arms and forgiveness? You think they're gonna let you stick around? After everything you've done to them? You caused them problems on purpose."

(Y/n)'s eyes slightly widened. She never thought of the aftermath. Would Five even want her around anymore? He clearly still didn't trust her completely so why would he keep her around afterwards? She was a pretty good asset to the team, with her skills and knowledge, so what would be the purpose of keeping her after she's done everything she could to help? When you're done with something, you throw it away or lock it away until you need it in the future. They could either cut ties with her and leave her somewhere and never want anything to do with her ever again since they no longer needed her. Or they could leave her somewhere but still keep in contact in case they needed anything from her. Both sounded horrible. She wanted to be wanted by them. She wanted to be apart of the group and not just a temporary teammate.

"B-but I just made a mistake! And they're willing to give me a second chance!" (Y/n) wailed, sounding desperate and sad by accident.

Lana pitifully placed a hand on the girls cheek. "(Y/n) darling. They don't care about your problems."

Ouch. (Y/n) easily believed that as a fact.