Backstabber (Five Hargreeves x Reader)

Memes Pt.4

Klaus: I dare you to kiss the next person who enters the room
Five, annoyed: I'm not fucking kissing any-
(Y/n): *walks in*
Five, already halfway across the room: Well, a dares a dare

I love how (Y/n) literally went from "hello sir, it's nice to finally meet you" to "ya daughter calls me daddy too" in the span of 3 ½ chapters

(Y/n): How do you boil water
Five: Water in pot, pot on stove, stove on
(Y/n): ...
(Y/n): I burnt my entire house to the ground

*in hell*
Satan: dude you gotta stop following me around
(Y/n): I don't know anyone else here I feel awkward

Diego: You're the bad guy in our story
(Y/n): I'm the bad guy in MY OWN story

(Y/n): What should I do when I miss Five?
Klaus: Why not send him a telepathic message?
(Y/n): 'I wanna see you, Five...'
Five: *gasps and freezes in mid punch on someone*
Five, runs out into the sunset: (Y/n) is calling for me!!!

Waiter: wine?
(Y/n): I don't drink
Waiter: water?
Five: she said she doesn't drink pal

Five, about to confess his feelings: I-I-I
(Y/n): I-J-K-L-M-N
Five: O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Five and (Y/n): TO THE WEDDING!!!!!

*Tana clearly annoyed with (Y/n)*
(Y/n): What? Why are you upset?
(Y/n), softly: Is it because my shoes light up and yours don't?

Melanie: You know that's not a stress ball, right? It's a lemon.
Tana: Let me have my process.

Five: you wanna go
(Y/n): yeah
Five: Oh you do! Ohh! You wanna go?!
Five: on a date with me
(Y/n): You're saying that like I fell for your cunning trick

(Y/n): When an earthquake happens coffins become underground maracas
Ben: thanks for that not at all terrifying image

Melanie: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS

Five: why is archery so fucking sexy
(Y/n): long distance murder

Vanya: please don't
Five: it'll impress her
Vanya: no it won't
Five: [wheels over to (Y/n) on his chair pretending to paddle canoe]

Tana: When I die, I want Melanie to lower me into my grave so she can let me down one last time

(Y/n): Don't worry, Klaus. Everyone is afraid of something
Klaus: Even you?
(Y/n): No

(Y/n): I wanna be 6 again and ruin my life differently... I have new ideas

Tana: Turn your location on coward
(Y/n): It's already on bitch come get me

(Y/n): If I die, I'm holding the greatest fucking funeral party and you're all invited!
Five: If?
Vanya: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and she might not even die.

Melanie: If you're Five and you don't love your girlfriend (Y/n), a lesbian will
Melanie: Consider it a Threat AND a Promise