(Y/n): I'm just nervous, you know? I mean, I feel like I'm still not part of the group
Five: No, no, you're part of the group
Five: It's like if this was the Scooby Doo gang, you would be Scrappy Doo, a late addition, but everybody loved him
(Y/n): Everyone hated Scrappy Doo
(Y/n): He only got to hang out with them because he was related to Scooby
Five: It's been a pleasure fighting with you. some of us won't make it, but there is a place where we will see each other again. and that place is Denny's.
(Y/n): Which Denny's?
Five: We'll figure it out later-
(Y/n): Cause the one near the 15 exit, I'm banned from there
Five: Well then I guess I'll see you in hell
(Y/n): This is nice, huh? Taking a well-earned break from hero work with my new friends. Feel like I'm finally fitting in here.
Diego: You don't get to decide when you're fitting in. We'll let you know.
Therapist: So Five-
Five, crying: (Y/n) used to call me that...
Therapist:
Therapist: That's because it's your fucking name
(Y/n): What has the world ever done for you?! Why would you want to save it?!
Five: 'Cause I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!
Five: wanna make a secret handshake? it involves us touching our mouths together for three hours
(Y/n): Five, we're in the middle of trying to save the world from your sister
Five: (Y/n)
Five: life on earth is limited
Five: when we die that's it
Five: SO PLEASE LET ME PUT MY TONGUE INSIDE YOU
Luther, to Allison: You're so sweet you put Hershey's outta business.
Diego, to Patch: Are you an angel, because your texture mapping is divine
Klaus, to Dave: People call me Klaus but you can call me tonight
Five, to (Y/n): *points to Kenny* If you go out with me you won't have to go out with him
Ben: What the fuck kind of a pick up line is that!?
Five: A convincing one
What ended your last relationship?
(Y/n): Dying
Five: *cries*
(Y/n): it's about time I contributed to the team
(Y/n): bricks are domesticated rocks
Luther: Stop
Five: Let her speak
Klaus: WE'RE GOING TO DIE.
(Y/n): Think positive!
Klaus: WE'RE GOING TO DIE QUICKLY.
Diego: But how? (Y/n)'s an impossible person to get ahold of
Five: ...I'm seeing her at 9:30 tomorrow
Five: Okay I estimate that we have a 33% chance-
(Y/n): All right let's do this.
(Y/n): *runs straight into the theater*
Diego: Oh my god she just ran in there.
Five: Repeat after me... "Don't... kill... anyone..."
(Y/n): Don't... kill... everyone
Five: "ANYONE"!!
*When (Y/n) returns to the Academy after shooting Five*
(Y/n): Five?
(Y/n): Five!
(Y/n): *runs to Five in slow motion*
Five: (Y/n)?
Five: (Y/n)!
Five: *runs to (Y/n) in slow motion*
(Y/n): Five!
Five: (Y/n)!
(Y/n): Five!
Five: *remembers what she did, grows angry* (Y/n)!
(Y/n): *grows concerned* Five?
Five: *goes into full sprint, angry* (Y/N)!!!
(Y/n): *turns to run away* OH SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA!!!
Diego: You're also wanted in Pennsylvania for kidnapping
(Y/n): Oh, so it's still kidnapping even if you bring em back, my bad
*at (Y/n)'s funeral*
Klaus: Have her face down and ass up. It's what she should've wanted
Five: Absolutely not, that's so disrespectful
(Y/n), watching as a ghost: I had a good ass, they're letting it go to waste!
Lana: Well, if you're both staying, remember the rules.
Lana: Melanie, no playing ball in the house, no fighting, no answering the phone, "City morgue."
(Y/n): Miss Lana, can't I have some rules?
Lana: ...No chewing tobacco.
(Y/n): Thanks, Miss Lana. You have my word.
(Y/n): I've heard people saying my name twice in my room, it's either ghosts or hallucinations
Five: It's me outside. I've been out here for 3 three hours trying to get your attention
Melanie: I hate it when I say "suck my dick" and people say "oH bUt yOu DoN't hAvE a DiCk" you fools. Blithering idiots. I mean my soul dick. My metaphorical penis. I don't have a physical penis protruding from my body but the aura is there. Suck my spirit dick, peasant.
Uber driver: Hey, it's your Uber here, where are you?
(Y/n): I see you.
Uber driver: Are you the person laying down in the middle of the road?
(Y/n): Yeah. Floor it.
Klaus: you've heard of an elf on the shelf, now get ready for
Klaus, placing a pot on top of (Y/n)'s head: a thot in a pot
(Y/n):
(Y/n), standing up: get ready for a bitch in a ditch because that's where they're gonna find your body
Five, drunk: Nice hands, (Y/n)
(Y/n): uh... thanks?
Five, drunk: I bet they'd look better wrapped around my-
Luther: wrAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE PRAISE THE LORD AMEN
(Y/n): *whispering* what's the wifi password here?
Vanya: this is a funeral
(Y/n): *typing* this... is... a... funeral...
*Five and (Y/n) making out on the couch*
Five: You wanna take this to the bedroom
(Y/n): Alright I'll grab this end, you get the other
Five: What would it take for you to sleep with Melanie?
(Y/n): $435 grand. I have a figure for everyone here.
(Y/n): Yours is only $75 by the way.
Five: Awww, thank you!
Five: What about Tana?
(Y/n): There's not enough money in the world.
Five: Hey, I heard you like bad boys?
(Y/n): Yeh, why?
Five: Well today, teacher said good morning to me and I didn't answer
(Y/n): I'll see you at 6 pm
Five: Bye (Y/n)! Bye Diego! Bye (Y/n)~
Klaus: You said bye (Y/n) twice.
Five: I like (Y/n) :)
At (Y/n) and Five's wedding, when (Y/n) throws the bouquet, Allison catches it and Luther gets down on his knee in front of her, immediately prompting Five to yell "HEY! YOU'RE THE EXTRAS AT *MY* WEDDING. GET THE FUCK UP AND DO IT AFTER THE RECEPTION, ASSHOLE"
(Y/n): i finished my christmas list i can't wait
- $ 1,000,000 in cash
- boyfriend
- the souls of those who have displeased me this year
- another boyfriend in case my other one escapes
- money
Klaus: Maybe we can politely ask it to leave
Five: MAKE LIKE A TREE AND FUCK OFF
YOU ARE READING
Backstabber (Five Hargreeves x Reader)
Fanfic[ON HOLD TEMPORARILY] backstabber : a co-worker or friend assumed trustworthy but who figuratively attacks when one's back is turned. traitor : a person who betrays a friend, country, principle, etc betrayal : violation of a person's trust or confid...
