Two hearts one wish 💚🔥-Greenflame

It's Too Much...

Lloyd Pov

It was a beautiful day in Ninjago. Me and my teammates were all training out on the deck of the destiny's bounty. It was only a week or so after the defeat of Morro, and I honestly wasn't feeling myself. The possession had taken a greater toll on me than I let on. I was having secret breakdowns everyday. I struggled with what thoughts were mine and which were Morro's. I couldn't rest, I rarely got sleep. I felt terrible, but I needed to stay strong for the team..

I heard the others shout something but I struggled to concentrate on what they were saying. My mind flashing back to the memories Morro's mind had left behind. 

"useless"

"Hey Lloyd!" Coles voice cut through. "we are doing sparring now!, you and me! " He punched into his hand and grinned. "Let's go!"

Pushing the thoughts down I turned to face him. "Ready!" I said. 

I felt a wave of guilt as I looked at Cole's transparent body. If it hadn't been for me getting possessed, he wouldn't have become a ghost, he risked his life at great cost trying to save me. They all had. The shame of it all was too much for me, and they all were pretending like nothing even happened. 

We sparred for a moment or two, and Cole very quickly ended it as he knocked me to the ground. 

"Well that was quick." he laughed, just cause I'm a ghost doesn't mean you gotta go soft on me now greenie. "

" I'm just.. Not feeling well. " I mutter, getting to my feet and slowly walking away." I don't want to train now. "

" Hey, is everything okay? " Cole asked with concern. I saw the rest of my teammates stop and share worried glances and I hung my head gritting my teeth. I was tired of pretending i was fine, but I also didn't want them to see me cry, or for them to feel sympathy for me. I didn't deserve it. 

"I'm just, tired." I muttered again, but on the last word it came out as a half choking sob as I heard Morro's voice echo through my head. 

"You are pathetic! weak! I can't believe YOU were the chosen green ninja" 

"Lloyd, if there's anything bothering you, we are here for you buddy." Kai said kindly, his tone concerned and protective, the same tone that I remembered vividly from when Kai was desperately trying to free me from Morro's possession.

"He's right, and you haven't been yourself lately. " Jay said. 

I continued to walk away, knowing by not answering them they were probably even more worried now but i could say anything, I was nearly about to have another breakdown, I quickly walked to my room and slammed the door a little too loudly behind me. 

There was a knock almost right away. "Lloyd? Lloyd are you okay!?!" 

"Please leave me alone Kai, I'm fine." I mumbled.

"Can I come in?" he asked. Ignoring my previous response.

I lay down on my bed and covered myself  with my blankets, I just wanted to be alone to cry away my feelings. I was so confused and emotional nothing was making sense to me. And I didn't want Kai to see me like this. But I also didn't want to say no. 

" Yeah.. Okay." I mutter.

I heard the door creak open and I buried myself even more under my blankets. 

" Lloyd?" Kai asked tentatively. I heard him walk over to my bed and sit down on the edge of it. 

"You know… I'm here for you okay? If you need to talk or anything? It's okay. I know things have been sorta crazy at the moment… " Kai trailed off. The kindness in his voice made me let out a sob. I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

Quivering I sat up and let the bankets fall from around me, I took deep breaths, tears filling my eyes as I looked away from Kai's concerned gaze." I just…" 

I stammered through tears. 

"It's okay, take you time, you don't have to say anything." Kai said gently, he moved closer and placed his hand on my shoulder again and I felt my heartbeat race. I suddenly couldn't help it and poured my heart out to Kai. 

 "You are way too nice to me." I sobbed. "It's my fault Cole became a ghost, and… and you all risked so much to save me and I hate myself for it. You could have died and I hurt you and and.. I'm an idiot for letting Morro possess me. I should have been stronger but I'm not and now all his thoughts are in my head I can't get rid of them I am so scared, I'm so scared but I didn't want you to worry about me please don't tell anyone else they can't worry about me too please I.. " 

I looked at Kai, expecting to see disgust in his eyes at how pathetic I was, but instead I thought I could see.. Was that...tears? Was Kai crying?! Did I make him cry?" 

"Hey, it's okay." Kai's eyes brimmed with concern as he leaned in and wrapped his arms around me, shaking, I slowly hugged him back whilst sobbing uncontrollably. Kai spoke softly but in a strong voice. "It's not your fault, none of it was your fault, it's gonna be okay, we can get through this." 

I let out a deep shaky breath and let go of Kai. "I still feel so terrible though." I said quietly. "I hate myself." 

Kai rubbed my shoulder comfortingly.

"You have nothing to feel bad about, we are a team, and we are always gonna risk our lives for each other, you are one of the bravest and strongest people I know, and I know you would have done the same for us. Cole knew what he was doing, as did I, we love you Lloyd, we are always gonna be here. "