Two hearts one wish 💚🔥-Greenflame

I Wonder How Long This Will Last?

Hi! after a crazy few months, I am back! I redid this chapter so many times and I still kept finding mistakes lmfao. Oh well.
Also I'm gonna start adding songs which I think suit the story and that I listen too while writing lol. ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Again, trigger warnings, (rape, self harm etc)

LLOYD POV

I was already a mess again.

After we arrived back home, I had avoided Kai, I spent an hour hidden in my room staring at my phone, then I went and helped make dinner, which had resulted in some awkward moments because Zane and Pixal had told everyone they saw me and Kai kiss.

To be fair, on the way back home, they had asked if we were okay with everyone else knowing, and we had both said yes. Although Kai had seemed a little uncomfortable with it.

Cole and Jay had congratulated us with relentless teasing, until Kai had thrown his half empty plate of macaroni in Jay's face. Which had resulted in everyone laughing at Jay instead.

Apparently Misako and Wu were supposed to arrive home later, Wu had messaged Cole to let him know. I really wasn't looking forward to their return.

So right now I was standing in my room again, leaning up against my bedroom door, tapping my foot against the floorboards, clutching the dragon charm on my necklace tightly as my eyes gazed around at the mess which surrounded me. A heavy feeling weighing down in my chest. The conversation I had with Kai after dinner was replaying over and over in my mind.

I had tried to avoid him after dinner, but he had stopped me in the hall before I could hide away in my room again.

"Hey! Going to bed already?" he'd asked.

"Yeah." I muttered.

"Did you want to sleep in my room tonight? I could set up a spare mattress?"

My mind had gone blank. I panicked. He wants to sleep together already?

"I don't know." I replied, turning away and staring at my phone like I had something important to check on it.

I could sense Kai recoiled a little but he didn't give up.

"That's fine, oh! We could set up the fairy lights in your room! I took them down this morning, the box is still in the living room." he added excitedly.

This is too much.

"I'm kinda tired, can we do that another day?" I replied, only glancing up from my phone for a second. But it was enough to see the disappointed look that flashed across Kai's face.

"Sure! Yeah that's fine." Kai replied cheerfully, but the brightness in his voice sounded forced. "We can do it tomorrow, or whenever... Also -if you wanna talk or-or anything, just let me know." he added, stumbling over the words awkwardly.

"Yeah, okay, goodnight." I said abruptly, already beginning to walk away. I don't want to talk, I can't do this.

"Night!" Kai replied. I was already opening my door, I realized how awful I was being to him, so turned back to smile at him before I closed my door, but Kai had already turned away and was walking back towards the kitchen where I could hear the others talking cheerfully.

Kais disappointed face was also replaying over and over in my mind. I had probably been standing here, my back pressed up against my bedroom door, for a good thirty minutes, overthinking EVERYTHING.

I wish Misako hadn't taken away those venomari pills.

I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anything.