Two hearts one wish 💚🔥-Greenflame

The reason I'm still here.

LLOYD P. O. V

(TRIGGER WARNING RAPE)

"It's okay, we can go slow, I would never want to hurt you." The older students' eyes gleamed in the pale light of the dark room. I was sitting on his bed with him. He was holding my hands, which were almost twice as big mine. He caressed them gently, trying to comfort me, it felt so caring, loving, but his eyes told me the opposite. I didn't trust him.

But he did care, he did love me right? He had said so, and I would do anything for him. I didn't want to let him down. But I couldn't shake of my anxiety.

"I'm not sure." I said nervously, staring at my hands in his. "Are you sure this is okay? I don't know if-" 

"Of course! And it will be fine, You are amazing Lloyd, haven't I already told you that?"

His hands gripped mine tighter at those words. "Don't answer, it doesn't matter." 

He leaned forward and pushed his lips into mine. It was a strange feeling. I didn't like it all that much.  

I didn't like Brad all that much. But he was the only one who loved me.

He pushed me onto my back. 

Suddenly I was suffocating, his lips didn't leave mine and he started licking and biting my lips. The biting hurt. I tried to pull away, but his hands surrounded mine in a vice like grip, twisting my skin painfully. He was so much stronger and bigger than me. I felt completely powerless as my body was pushed into the bed. I struggled slightly and got a low growl as response from Brad. 

"Oh no, you aren't going anywhere." 

I felt an overwhelming sense of fear blocking my senses as he roughly pulled my shirt off, whilst sitting on top of me, nearly crushing me. I could hardly breathe. 

 I couldn't move. I tried to scream but I couldn't, I was frozen as he forced his mouth onto mine once more.... 

I awoke with a jump. Sitting up in bed violently fast with a cold sweat, throwing my blankets off. I couldn't stop shaking. I was hyperventilating, I tried to take calm breaths as my eyes got used to the light in my room omitted from my bedside lamp. 

Just a dream Lloyd, it was just a dream

But it wasn't just a dream. It was a memory. A memory I had been trying to forget for so long. 

Why am I remembering this now? Isn't it enough to be haunted by nightmares of Morro constantly? I thought bitterly.

Don't start thinking about Morro again as well. 

I gulped and moved to the edge of my bed. Then let myself slowly slide off to the floor. No longer on the bed, I felt safer. The memory slowly faded as I concentrated on the glow of light from the lamp at my bedside. 

I pulled up my sleeves and ran my hand down my arm, trying to brush off the awful sensation. My skin was still feeling like it was burning from being gripped so tightly. The feeling wore off until all I felt was the multitude of ugly scars that covered my arms. 

I hate myself

Nobody could ever truly love me. 

I'm only good for being used. 

I brought my knees up to my face and rested my head between them, closing my eyes as tears began to roll silently down my face. 

I was so so stupid. It was all my fault.