I Joked About No One Wanting To Be Reincarnated In Attack on Titan And Well...

Prologue: The Karma God Laughed In The End

Disclaimer: Yo, so like, please expect gory shit happening here, and like, a lot if dark humor. I mean, it's attack on titan, what do you expect? Oh, and uh, pics used for this story aint mine. I dont know the owners, but they're from pinterest. Then uh, okay, I'll just, be here, I guess.

Oh, and if you think you're not getting spoilers from the show or manga by reading this then you're dead wrong. Bye.

._.

"If you could live in any anime you want for the rest of your life, what would it be?" A friend of mine with extra-short korean-guy-like black hair asked. We will call her Friend 1.

"BNHA." Another friend replied. This one had braces and brown hair that makes you think: Uraraka. We call her Friend 2. She continued, "Definitely that."

"You always choose that." I said. There isn't really anything special about me. I have black hair. Eyes. A face. A fully-functioning and undeformed body. Average. But Enough.

Friend 2 replied, "Well, that's cause it's cool, smart, and for all I care, I could be a cute anime girl. Who knows?"

"How about choosing a different one this time?" Friend 1 suggested.

"What, why would I? Bnha is cool." Friend 2 argued.

Friend 1 fired back, "That's cause your answers get boring when you repeat it for every other similar anime-related question you hear."

"Hmm, she has a point." I said, "At least make an effort to think of a different answer this time. Let's say, BNHA doesn't exist. What would be your next option?"

"Well that's gonna be hard."

"Hard? Out of the 378 anime movies and series you've watched, you seriously cant pick something else?" Questioned Friend 1.

Friend 2 replied, " Well what do you expect of me, dearie?"

"What about Kimetsu no Yaiba?" I suggested, "You could reincarnate as a cutie there. Plus, there'll be hot ass hashiras protecting you from danger Oho~ That is to say if they make it in time I mean."

Friend 1 nods, "Right."

"Do I look like I want to be demon food?" Friend 2 responds, "Any anime that results in me being a meal in someone's feast is a big no no. Meaning, no Kimetsu no Yaiba, no Tokyo Ghoul, no Promised Neverland, etc."

I asked, "Does an anime with the possibility of you dying a gruesome but yet cool death count?"

"Not if it's not BNHA."

"Then might as well stick to slice of life. Goodluck with that."

"Yeah, you will most probably not have the main guy for yourself so pray for luck you get some random but cute background character with a decent personality that's okay enough to have good character development." Friend 1 said.

Friend 2 agreed, "Honestly I wouldn't mind that."

"I'm not surprised." I said, "How about you, Friend 1?"

Friend 1 answered, "I'd want a show with some mystery and thrill. Not detective bullshit but something to get your blood pumping. Like Attack on Titan!"

"Attack on Titan?" Friend 2 repeated.

I add, "Dude, you'll be breakfast in no time."

Friend 1 fited back, "Except I'm not going to die."

"Huh? How? That makes no sense. This is aot we're talking about." I said.

"The girl has a kink with death," explained Friend 2, "leave her be to explain."

"Well, okay, to be honest, I just wanna see if I look good in their uniforms." Friend 1 admitted.

"As if you'll ever get the chance of wearing one if you were there in the first place." I attacked.

Friend 2 added, "Ikr."

"Hey, fyi, I am actually a hard worker. So no doubt I'll be able to get my hands on one."

Friend 2 paused, "Sure..."

"Do keep in mind that the possibilty of you dying at an early age is so high that the remaining of your life span wont even last 10 years..." I reminded her.

"Yes, I know that, duh! But that's only ever going to happen when I fall victim  to anything that could cause my life, right?"

"I don't understand how optimistic you are..."

"Let the girl choose her own death." Friend 2 scolded me, "It's her life after all..."

"You heard her. Let me choose how I should die." Friend 1 doubled, "Can't you get that?"

"I can, but well, to be honest, I didn't think anyone would be serious enough to volunteer to be reincarnated in Attack on Titan. Attack on Titan is basically one of the most beloved stories in the world. The art is great, the story is better, and well, who wouldn't want to hear a tale about people striving to survive in a world where they could potentially be being eaten alive by giants? no one! Well, except for people who think anime is cartoon of course."

"Pfft..." Friend 1 held a laugh.

"Ya got that right. Haha..." Friend 1 added.

"No one, I repeat, no sane weeb or weeblet would ever want to step foot in the world of Attack on Titan." I said, "Ha. I mean, could you be anymore stupid if you did? I guess if you're suicidal and lookin' for a cool way to die, THEN SURE. Be the third Eren for all I care. It's dumb to wish to be in that situation, that's for sure. You could be in any anime or manga you want to be in but no one would want to choose Attack on Titan. They would either have a mountain sized ego or have only two last functioning braincells left if they did. No offense to you though, Friend 1. I can definitely understand the drive to want to wear their uniform."

Friend 2 paused, "Wow."

Friend 1 continued, "You made some pretty bold statements, but I get your point."

"It's pretty cool and all but you gotta at least keep in mind that you're basically asking to hang out with these military trained people." I said, "Meanwhile, we just watch anime. We'd be dead in point-O2 seconds-

Please do be informed that this conversation occured at 10 pm-just two hours before midnight and the perfect moment for a truck to suddenly crash into my bedroom and crush us all to death. NOW. Let me interpret my current scenario just as perfectly as any other modern person would understand:

No one:

Literally no one:

Meanwhile, my deadass soul: Ha.