Chapter 18 : Lost Before We Started

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EMILYN

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EMILYN

"Captain, I'm curious." Armin said, almost in a whisper, as if he was hesitant in some way. Armin, after having been authorized by Emilyn to speak, carried on, "I'm wondering...most of the elite squad's members are probably having Eren's back right now. Considering what we know and what's beneficial, you should be in Levi's squad right now. If it's okay to ask..." He paused, "Why are you here?" "That's true." Jean remarked before he restated Armin's question, "Why are you here, Captain?" "Ah..." Emilyn turns her head away, "I can't hide anything from now on, can I?" She said after facing them back, "You catch on fast, Armin. However, now isn't the best time to be answering that question. I assure you both that most of your concerns will have been answered come the end of this mission. Plus, I...am merely avoiding death just as much as all of you. Know I'm sincere when I say that whether it's witnessing death or dying myself---it's all the same. You can understand that much perhaps?"

A sudden train of resonating blasts went on to echo themselves into the ears of those who stood guard at the edges of the forest. The apparent paranoia was clear in the faces of the scouts when their focus shifted from those Titans below to the sounds emitted somewhere deep beneath the center of the mass of tall trees. Emilyn, who kept her eyes down on the beings below, commanded, "Move back." when a Titan has started getting better at progressing himself up the trees.

"Captain. It seems obvious enough that they used this opportunity to lure the female Titan in the forest and capture her." Jean uttered upon his observations, "Or more precisely, to capture the human inside. From the very start, that was the goal, wasn't it?" Emilyn sighed, "I don't really like repeating my words, Jean. But I do commend you for saying it in a composed manner. I can only feel pity for my fellow seniors for having the misfortune of handling such a blaringly antagonistic and easily agitated boy such as Eren. It certainly didn't take me long to recognize that he would be a difficult child to handle. Armin, what are your thoughts?" "Do you think so too, then, Captain? Armin?" Jean asked, "That there's someone in the regiment..." Armin responded, "That's possible."

"He wasn't in the right, I'll tell you that." Jean initiated in a conversation between Armin and he when Emilyn stepped back for a moment to guard Blessica herself. "If we'd actually been told that a Titan had inside info, we would've handled things differently. Your own squad members for example..." Armin opposed Jean's comments firmly, "No, it wasn't wrong." "Huh?" The other boy expressed, "How can you see that? Do you know how many soldiers have needlessly died?" "Jean." Armin called out, "In hindsight, it's easy to say what should've been done. But... No one can tell how things will turn out. Yet, at some point you have to make a choice. The lives of a hundred comrades... or the lives of everyone inside the walls. The Commander chose. He chose to throw away the lives of a hundred comrades. I don't have much life experience yet... but I do know one thing. If there's anyone who can bring about change, it's someone capable of giving up what matters most. In particular, people who are capable of abandoning their humanity when forced to rise above monsters. Those who can't abandon anything... can't change anything."

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