Sincerely, The girl who left words Unsaid

3. Oblivion_Bastille

Letter 1. 

Dear Furious,

Today for the very first time I ignored you completely. 

I know you'll say that I responded to your 'Jenny' call out (which sounds really nice when you say) but that was it, you called me to sit with you and I would have but then I thought back to the day when we sat together in the Auditorium and something happened between us that changed everything, along with that small memory came a ton of other facts.

I was so frustrated at one point today that when one of the professors asked us to move ahead to sit I happily agreed but then you got up as well and sat a few rows ahead.

 I could see the rage on your face cause I was ignoring you, I could see you changing the seats almost two-three times until you finally settled in one. I don't know whether you were trying or not but from where I sat, I could see how you were trying to fake a laugh or a smile or even irritate the girl next to you. 

I was paying close attention to the seminar when I caught you stare for a sec or more but didn't make eye contact cause it would have been awkward. You left immediately after the seminar but then later I saw you outside in the quadrangle, I left after a while from there and was waiting outside the gate with a few friends. 

I saw you coming out with such a furious expression and haste like all the time in the world was over for you and I knew then exactly how bad the situation was but I didn't want to say anything, I was already angry with myself that even you rage felt like a small sting.

The sad part of choices is that there are always consequences. The sadder part about those consequences is the order is always bad ones before the good ones

Tonight I feel like I have hurt you over the course of time, how sometimes I feel like I have used you and how stupid it was for you to choose me over a girl who actually liked you. I know you say that it's like doesn't feel the same if you go to her and I understand everything you say but it gets to my nerves at times when I know I'm taking away life from you.

I am writing it down here because I know it's too soon for me to confront you and tell you this but I hope these unsent letters would find you in good health before it's too late.

Shane, I might not be as vocal as you are about how you feel doesn't mean I have never felt before. This idea of love you might be clinging on to because of what you felt in no time after meeting me is undoubtedly the raw form of love one can wish for but it comes with its own curse. It only lasts if both felt that way because what you seem to voluntarily ignore is if I haven't felt it till now, I won't ever feel it.

I want to see you happy, very happy. I want to see you smile for real once. 

For some reason, I feel like I'm a restraining factor in your life.

A mistake.

Sincerely,

The girl who tried really hard to pay attention to every aspect of the seminar but failed to cause whenever the stones in the palm of your hand began to crackle it made her wonder.