Sincerely, The girl who left words Unsaid

33. Grow as we go_Ben Platt

Letter ∞. 

Dear Fool,

I have never written a letter to anyone and now writing a letter to you seems like I have just reached the peak of a hill and I'm gradually falling back down in embarrassment because I suck at expressing things as you do, I suck at writing as you do, I just suck at everything when I compare It to you. I know I shouldn't compare but I hope I don't crush your expectations when you read all this cause honestly, I don't know what you had in mind when you told me to write a letter to you.

It's always been a difficult task to write something for you, no matter how big or small your questions would be a response to it would always seem like me sitting in an examination hall completely stressed out, trying to get the right answer without making any mistakes because when It comes to you even a single sentence or a single word said in an abrupt or twisted way can lead to havoc and when that happens I can't seem to know how to make you understand cause at times the things I say might not come out the way I want it to, it just ends up being a misinterpretation.

You know It always seemed weird knowing that you liked me in the beginning during Elan. I used to always be under the impression that it was just a random thing and nothing else was going to happen, I presumed that you were just fooling around with the 'Jack and Jill' title and never ever took it seriously just like I didn't. Not even for once did I think that you would speak about yourself, your love life, etc during those days but you did and it was just a day before 'Elan' could happen. To be frank, the fact that you spoke your heart out scared me cause you and I weren't long time friends, in fact, we were not even friends, we were just 'Hi' 'Bye' 'Get teased by' sort of random strangers, we hardly knew each other so knowing your past wasn't supposed to happen so soon. And I would agree with your friend about you being a fool for talking about your past to someone you just started liking.

The first day of the fest was all energetic and tiring and every now and then I would cross paths with you but something had changed, the way you started looking at me and wanting to spend time with me changed, you started getting attached. On that very day, I took you to be a senior who was just being a good friend till the event would get over and we both would go back to our daily life where you and I would have crossed paths very very rarely but then when the first day of Elan got over and we could finally get to see the Fashion Show in the Auditorium you had messaged me to ask where I was and I told you I was seated up at the balcony area but I didn't expect you to come up as well. You made me, Carol, and Joy to shift our places and got seated right ahead, you sat beside me and after some time removed a black jacket sort of thing cause you were feeling cold. You saw me feeling cold as well and draped it half over me and a half over you and then you shifted your left hand towards my right hand underneath the material and asked for my hand and I didn't sit to think about it so I just gave you my hand and molded it with yours, that very second from the corner of my eyes I saw the way your eyes looked at me like I just evacuated everything from within you, you started playing with my fingers, felt the warmth of my skin against yours and lost yourself, whereas I didn't feel a single thing. When I actually started feeling what sort of trauma you were going through I retrieved my hand and shifted more towards Joy that's when I realized what a big mistake I had done.

Everything changed instantly the tables were turned now and I knew it was all my doing, the closeness increased. The last day of the fest was like the last resort for you, you were hanging onto me like I had just given your life a start-up to live again and you were in desperate need of more oxygen. You stuck to me throughout the day and then in the end danced, took a picture, and hugged it out; to be honest, I hugged you as a permanent goodbye but of course, it never ended that way and now I don't even intend our friendship to be a permanent goodbye ever. I still have so many questions in my mind like why did you like me initially, why did you fall for me, and also how is it that you never liked Joyce or Caroline or any other girl in creative's, I mean you have known them longer then you have known me.