Sincerely, The girl who left words Unsaid

13. Call out my name_The weekend.

She is beautiful.

I was having her running circles in my mind all night yesterday. I reached home around 1. After walking half an hour extra and not taking a cab, searching a shop to buy cigarettes. I think I need to curtail my habit and that too pretty soon. First day of the fest and already smoked a pack. Mom found out and it was a bit of a melodramatic action sequence at home. It was already a week now that dad had stopped talking to me or asking me via message where am I or did I eat anything or not. It good though because it saves me from lying to him.

I wasn't excited about my events or the fest. I was just excited to meet Jenny. I had so much to ask her and so much to say but there wasn't a moment where I could. Everyone was busy with work. She was slightly a little bit more odd than usual. She was holding her back and she avoided me a bit too often. It was sad because I had high hopes and I badly wished to spend the last day of this fest with her. Completely. If yesterday was a day I wouldn't forget, I wish today was the day that never happened. A lot of things went out of control. Whether it's the alcohol, the cigarettes, or Luna.

I had danced too much and I enjoyed myself. I love dancing. I suck at steps and I suck even more when someone's watching. I have that fear since childhood. I never liked parents coming to see me perform. Because they always judged. And for them, it wasn't ever good enough I guess.

I did stop few moments to look at Jenny. Her cheeks were red. She was pumped up with energy and she had a smile from the first beat drop till the last song. I think she expresses herself well through the few things she likes. I wish she wasn't there when we went to drink. It was a state of dilemma. I never want her to see me when am at my low, doing stuff she hates the most. But I couldn't have said no, I wanted it and if I had said I am not drinking because of her it would have created a bad situation for her, I wasn't concerned about myself.

Sabrina blew my mind off yet again, quite literally. She has that crazy headbangers ball move where she isolates her head with her every single hair swinging in every direction. It was my favorite move because of her.

It was 9:30 pm. The alcohol effect was decently fading away. I had a massive headache though. We were due to leave in a couple of minutes. And only then I noticed Luna, with her lose fitted white T-shirt, a nice pony, and steaming hot with a loud dance. 

Our eyes met, Luna knew what I was thinking and she ignored me. That was strange because I really didn't do anything. I moved closer through the crowd and asked her what was wrong with her. She stamped on my foot with all of her mighty strength, it was more of a jump. She took out her cellphone to show me the text she sent yesterday that tomorrow is when she was leaving back as her two-month student exchange program was over and wanted to meet me today but I didn't even come and see her the whole day.

My head was all fuzzy trying to think of an excuse and I said am going to get water and I left. She was angry that I just took off.
 
She ran behind me and by the time we reached the water station on the first floor, she pushed me into the wall. She had all right to shove my head through and through. I hadn't responded to her texts for a week now or met her in those two months to just talk and spend time together where it wasn't a make-out session.

"Dude what's the matter with you?", she screamed. 

"What I just came to have water and I think you should have a sip or two to cool off your heat".

"Oh fuck, I should have known what a dick you are".

"You have seen it already", that came out of nowhere but whether it was an angry turn-on or it was the temptation of doing wrong again that her expressions changed.

"You know what, I should have realized what an asshole you were from the beginning and am glad I won't have to meet you again," she came closer, " before that" and she kissed him with vigor and passion like she had never done before. 

I instantly noticed that smell. It was weed, she had already smoked up tonight. She was on fire. She was always a dominatrix and the one to take charge and I guess it was the first time even I was experiencing it. 

I sucked her tongue, she bit my lips. Her hand was on my abdomen sliding down with her nails marking her territory, it's bloody rough, and doesn't matter what anyone says it stings at first. I should have stopped but who has ever manage to stop? I was groping her and I don't know why I felt a rage of some kind. I had never been this rough with her. I bit twice on her neck. Her loose top made it easier for me to pull down from one side and start sucking her breasts. I have no idea what would have happened if we were caught in that moment. One brief moment, I wouldn't lie, I thought we would cross our limits but thanks to her that she didn't let it go too far.

We heard someone coming and we had to stop. I told her it would be better if she left first just in case someone saw us and I would follow in a moment. I was standing there still as she cleaned herself up. She fixed her hair and her top. She expected him to say something but I realized much later I wasn't even courteous to look at her as well.

We both took our route and we offered no goodbyes. The thing about flings is that they just start without knowing and that's exactly how it ends. She danced with her friends and I rejoined the cords.

Was it necessary to go and do all the things that were done?

It wouldn't have made any difference to me or her then or even later but the worse was when I saw Jenny before she was going. I walked her to the station. Those five minutes were enough to make me realize everything that I needed to. 

I wanted to hug her, I was nervous because I knew how she perceives all these things, especially with me, but I couldn't. I had those twenty minutes playing in my head. 

Can you miss someone/love someone/admire someone/need someone whom you have barely known, have barely spoken to and barely spent time with? Maybe, definitely yes.