Sincerely, The girl who left words Unsaid

16. Yours to hold_Skillet

"My dad's catholic and my mom isn't. I didn't have a fairytale childhood with castles on a high hill, an army of servants at my disposal, or a family bond that we wish for ourselves when we give a thought about the future. Being an elder brother, Johnathan, was not the lucky one. He didn't have a very sophisticated childhood, constantly torn between parents' warfare, and often ended up being dad's anger management tool. Even after I was born I could see his scars. It scares me even now. I like the way now he comes to me every night, I like to caress his hair as he rests his head, peacefully, in my lap. He calls me his elder sister even though he is the elder one, I like that too and..."

"Stop", Shane interrupted her.

She had no idea why, he interrupted her right when she was able to speak. She saw something, he had no expression. She found his eyes weary but they were glued to her. He didn't blink. He lessened the distance between them, he wanted to pull his lady closer but he couldn't. He wasn't sure yet. He lifted his hands, bought closer to her face, had an inch between his fingers and her chin, he couldn't touch it. He moved his fingers in his direction, so did she move her head along the finger trails. She was anticipating him to touch her, but he didn't. He made a gesture like look me in the eyes and continued, "Am sorry to interrupt, but now when you talk I want you to not look up, down, and around. I'm standing here and I want you to look directly into my eyes". 

Romantic gesture? No. He knew a few things about humans. Those who dare to look you in the eyes are fearless, powerful, and honest. People tend to look away when they are lying or saying something that's hard for them. He didn't think she was lying or something, but he knew that all her words that she is about to bestow upon him are the ones she wouldn't have said even when if she confided in herself.

He wanted her to not give her story but give herself to him. 

He wanted to comfort her. He recognizes the story behind the story. He knows how a story affects someone. He wanted to her look at him in his eyes, trust him and let go. He wanted to bring a change in her, a change that when next time when she talks about herself to anyone, she doesn't let that fear strike again, she doesn't look down, she is afraid no more, her head is held high and her heart is set free in light.

She didn't know whether she wanted to even stand there talking to someone who made her talk, made her remember all the things she desperately wished to forget, made her go through every nightmare and sleepless night in her head. She was questioning her decision to be there at that moment. She was mentally trying to prepare herself for what was going to happen from this point onwards. She knew that certain steps must be avoided because there is no going back. She tried finding the strength inside her to say but she felt she was being weak by sharing what she locked inside her, not 'a chest filled with diamonds and gold'. 

She didn't know what to feel when she was allowing all her walls to collapse and how easily she was drawing him into her world. It scared her to the core seeing his affection and attention, neither of which has ever been in his control.

If myths were true, then at that moment she would have been the phoenix that was in the process of being reborn from the ashes of her past.

"I like every moment that I get to spend with him in the house that seems colder every day because there was a time when I had him in that house but not with me. For months he refused to talk to me because I hurt him so bad that it still scares me to make mistakes again. I had said something to him in anger and it shot him in his heart and it almost felt like the bullet went right through him. That is the reason why I hate letting my emotions decide my fate. Some things said in anger, some decisions made without thinking can never be turned back and I can die a million times if I could take back whatever I said in anger that cost me years of the bond that should have been treasured", she said without blinking in one breath. She didn't need a pause to find words to express what she felt. She looked away trying to hold herself from breaking down. He stood still as if he didn't exist there. He didn't want to steal away that moment from her. She looked back at him, her courtesy, politeness, and composure had charmed him yet again.