Sincerely, The girl who left words Unsaid

49. The Last Time_The Script

Letter... :).

Dear Shane,

How much I wish you never met me. Oh, how so charming, sweet, caring, friendly, etc. in the beginning she was and now she's such a bitch, selfish, trash, etc. Trust me I know all those terms fit me perfectly.

Those post's that you have veiled privacy on just for me, what does it signify, why do you waste your time on me? Look where I have bought you, to a fucking stand still where no words, no emotions, no feelings & no trust have bestowed upon you. The guy who once turned jolly, suddenly has turned into dead soul. Its me right? I have done this. Then why are you even punishing yourself.

A glimpse through the key whole to see my happiness, that post was sick. What is happiness? Why does it matter? Aren't we all stuck up in sad hole?

I am selfish, I never fully realized it until yesterday when certain things happened but you know Shane? I still can't say I have been selfish with you cause damn it I never wanted things to escalate this far.

At times I feel I should have stuck to my decision to cut all ties off with you in the beginning of the year cause look where you are, lost & stuck upon a trash like me. Why? Is it fun ruining your image? Your self worth? Your happiness, desires?

One thing which I never expected from you was to say that you left all opportunities & stayed back for me, Stop chaining down yourself to things never asked for. Did I tell you to stay? Did I ask you for anything ever? Then why do you treat me as a destruction when I didn't start the fire.
I don't know where you plan to go or what you plan to do cause after all this time I feel like hunter chaining you to me, but just that in this case you have willed yourself into being the victim.

I don't know why your friends didn't do anything, I expected them to do a lot of stuff but they failed at it & I'm sorry for that but they will do something for you, just give them sometime.

As for me I had certain plans in my mind for your bday but executing them would have not been a good idea.

Your 'hmm ty' pissed me off on your bday but I get it you expected a call which never came.

And as to your question you asked me?

The reason not love, not feelings but warmth is simple.

I can't be a whole person to you if I choose feelings I'll still be that half self you always witness.

Not love cause lets be honest If Love was the one I would choose y the hell did I have to make you to wait so many months if love only was suppose to be the result. Make sense slow brains?

Why warmth? Its simple in feelings I lack everything when its with you, love sucks on a higher level but in comfort I still get you, I can still be everything in it. 

It wont be a part of me but me. We started off with each other on a warmth basis only & our bond was strong cause of it, when the other two factors jumped in the bond turned brittle.

Warmth for me means comfort, friendship, being there for someone as a supporter/friend/the best. So that's why I chose warmth over the other two.

I think this is farewell, a goodbye, I don't think I'll come back here to write anymore, this might just be my last letter.

Take care, do well.

Sorry for everything.