Sincerely, The girl who left words Unsaid

14. Say you won't let go_James Arthur

Has time been enough or there has been no time?
Depth or distance?

It's nothing but the labyrinth of paradox. There might be a thousand of books written on positive minds and a million of copies of those must be sold, translated adapted into a movie or plays, and read worldwide, fascinating million minds. Shane loved the idea of philosophy, he would even turn out to be the best advisor to people in need but was the one who was constantly torn and lost in the conflicting world of paradox and choices. How can you be happy, when a part of you is dying inside that very moment?

A month had passed since Elan. All its memories were afresh. Shane was hospitalized for a week again. That guy thought he was a mutant and surprisingly it looked like he was. He heals, it takes time but he does. Those two-three days he hadn't slept or eaten anything. Two days, he must have had junk but no proper meal. Next few days, he was trying to get over the things that happened that night and he smoked more than usual which reduced his appetite. 

He felt sorry for Luna, he couldn't have said anything to Jenny and he was sympathizing himself because he had realized he was degrading himself. And soon he caught a fever, headaches went overboard and this time excess of nicotine had jammed up his lungs. He had insisted on no x-ray and certain tests and never kept the thermometer in his mouth properly and got out of the hospital at a 'Just-Fine' state.

 A month had passed, he had started talking to Jenny a little more than a lot. The bonding could be felt. He admired the way she was witty, her humor was adorable, and most importantly it wasn't insulting. She knew her limits, and maybe that's why he decided to be limitless for her. He wanted to do so much for her, she neither had idea nor could she imagine. Maybe she wasn't even expecting it in the first place. He had high hopes, he was expecting the same charm from her, when he would meet her, that her messages had. Two words, Pity-Fool. 

It was a normal day, he expected to see her after college. He would take the route that would make it look like he was passing by her class and have a glimpse of her. It was funny, she blushed seeing him and he danced like a pug who saw his most favorite poodle. That day, her class was empty he walked out in the quadrangle, he went all over the place and saw a few of her classmates he went to them and asked where Jennifer was but they didn't know. He called her immediately because he was having a bad feeling that something wrong was about to happen and he needed to talk about a lot of things. She softly said she is in the library but that wasn't what he would call charming. He asked her to come out even if, for few minutes, she said no and cut the phone. All this time, he could see her through the window of the library. Her expressions were dead, it felt like it had been whitewashed.

He ran into the library walked to the table she was seated with her friends. They all looked at him but she didn't. Their looks reminded him of school, and how after school he was cornered by five people who were angry because they thought he threw ink on their uniform. His pen was leaking, he opened it and the refill bent along the pen case and then suddenly flung up releasing the entire ink-cumshot on the guy's shirt who was sitting two benches away. These five snatched his bag threw it away and then broke their pen's nib and splashed the ink all over his dress and face. They stared at him when he apologized saying it was an accident, they laughed when he cried. That was when he was in fifth grade. He was shy, timid, he never left his last bench no matter what. That one moment in the library, felt like he was a tall now but the same old school kid. That memory didn't playback for more than a few seconds, he had himself just staring at her.

"Jenny, come out?"

"NO."

"Just for few minutes I..."

"I don't want to", she looked right into his eyes.

He left. He didn't even look back. He ran out caught his friend flirting with some girls he pulled him by his neck and pushed him straight made him walk in a certain direction and when he asked what the fuck was going on, Shane simply said, "I am in a very good mood, so thought would treat you with some smoke." His friend was the first person he had smoked in college and then smoked every day with him. He was the guy who had got Shane his first finely rolled weed joint. They both spoke about Elan while smoking but all this time he had that incident in his head playing on a loop.