The Recruit

Chapter 37

We are now in a house where Master Kojiro is staying before he found me. He explained that the Ordinatio has safe houses across Europe and a few around the world, where agents would stay during missions. They never told me because I haven't passed my training period.

He motions his hand towards the chair, telling me to sit as he grabbed some water for us and food for me. I mutter my thanks.

"So where are you heading next?" The Master Assassin asks me.

"I don't know yet. Still need to ask around." I say casually as I munched at the food he gives me. I haven't had decent meals in a while so a hot meal feels so good.

"Did you even eat properly this whole time? Where are you staying?" I keep eating, trying to avoid the discussion.

"This is good, what is it called?" I try changing the subject.

"Livia! Don't even try changing the subject. You are 5 month long and your whole body looks very thin. Your eyes look hollow like you don't sleep enough! What have you been doing? Don't you even care for your baby?" He look at me with concern, frustration, and anger.

I reign in my honest reaction of flinching from the accusation. Of course I care, but I was too nervous every day to eat. The organization put me on hard medication form my anxiety and all, and suddenly having none was very hard in the first and second week without it. I constantly felt nauseated, the constant vertigo that made my head spin and ache, and I was sweating so hard. Now it is doable and I can operate like an assassin of course, but... my anxiety came back.

"I don't have enough money to stay in hotels, beside I need to stay low profile so it works well anyway." I stuff more food into my mouth.

"I don't feel good about pick pocketing, so I just stole enough to buy food for breakfast and mini snacks that I safe just in case I got hungry during stake outs." He looked horrified.

He take a few deep breath and try to keep his temper in check. I have never seen him angry, but by now I have accepted that when an assassin see me they would either got angry or frustrated for my careless way of talking.

"I never got pregnant and I never cared for a pregnant woman. Female assassins and their partner usually got to choose to be honourably discharged to be our intel in the real world, take a leave of absence, or moved to our indoor divisions. I never know, but I don't think what you are doing is good for the baby."

I am ashamed. Of course I know he was right and I am not taking of my baby in the best condition. I blame myself every day for trying to safe my conscience to make up for the fucked up things I did and let my anxiety got in the way of caring for my body, while I should prioritize my baby.

I stay silent and I keep eating. Holding my tongue.

"Now tell me how do I face Lucius and what should I say, Livia?"

"Just tell him I look healthy, taking care of myself well, I am happy, and I'm coming back soon." I finally answer him.

"Truly? You are coming back?" The Master Assassin looked hopeful. I can't understand why, I only get in their way for all I know. I fucked up everything, even ran away from the organization to do all these.

"Well no, you asked me what you should say and you need to keep him happy until he drank the full dosage of the potion." I ignore the panic that billed up to my throat knowing my mate wouldn't recognize or care for me.

The Master Assassin rise up in haste and he turn towards me angrily. "How are you this selfish?! You could ask the Ordinatio for help, but no you rather fuck around and sever your connection with the man you love. The man who only have one chance in life to find their mate during their one immortal life, Livia. Show the fuck up! If he rejected you and started to descend into madness, then we'll feed him the potion. Let me help you finish these last two kills and we'll go back together." He started in a raised voice and he nearly pleaded by the time he finished his sentence.