3.0 The Chronicles of Us - Choas & Clarity

Chapter nineteen

•★ Tex ★•

Did I lose my shit? Yes.

Did I fuck up beyond all recognition? Absolutely.

Can I fix this? Not a fucking chance.

Why did I lash out at her like that? It wasn't anger that made me open my big, stupid mouth. No, it was deep-running fear that drove me insane. It was all slipping away, my whole fucking future. Somehow, I thought we would find our way back to each other, but her being pregnant with someone else's child makes that impossible.

For a moment, I felt a jolt of happiness shoot through my body, thinking it was my kid. It quickly crumbled when I realized it couldn't have been mine. We were safe every time. Besides, even if somehow it was my kid, she wouldn't have kept it from me. No, she would've told me right away. I mean, she basically confirmed it.

Do you like that feeling?

No, I don't fucking like it. Imagining her pain is nowhere near living it. And fuck does it hurt. No wonder she can't forgive me. I toss my legs over the headrest of the couch and stare at our wedding photo on the wall. Best day of my life for sure. It wasn't even as awkward as I feared it would be. I mean, love is a private thing. It's kinda weird to get together with a bunch of people and celebrate the fact that two specific persons choose to fuck each other exclusively for the rest of their lives.

My eyes were on her the entire fucking time. She was beautiful to a fault. Absolutely gorgeous, stunning, dazzling, and every other synonym. Her beaming smiles and glowing face must've been visible from outer space. Some three-eyed Martian probably wondered what that angelic gleam was that soared through the atmosphere. Yeah, it was a day to never forget, but, besides the romantic confirmation, it was the fun we had that I cherish the most. I close my eyes and let my mind take me back ...

"Birdie? Where are you?" I walk further down the path and crane my neck to catch sight of her. Where the hell is she? It's almost time to cut that mountain of a wedding cake. Not a chance she would miss out on that. Oh fuck! Did her feet grow cold after all? I quicken my pace and shout again. "Bir—"

"Shush!" A slender arm erupts from behind a green shrub and drags me down. "Be quiet."

I stare at my wife who's sitting on her knees in the dry dirt, peeking through the branches. "Please tell me I didn't enter the Twilight Zone and there's a perfectly normal reason why we're crouched behind a bush."

She nods at something up ahead. "Look, those two peacocks are performing a mating ritual. I didn't want to disturb them."

I position myself next to her and follow her line of sight. The male bird struts back and forth in front of the female while flaunting his fanned-out tail. "You could've just left them alone, you know. Instead, you're creeping behind a bush and voyeuring their fuck-dance."

"Don't be weird." Her elbow nudges me in the ribs. "It's a beautiful scene of nature. I wish I had my camera with me. Those flickering feathers would've been great to capture. Especially in the warm glow of dusk. Don't you agree that their courtship seems surprisingly gracious?"

"Bit of a cocky fucker, if you ask me." I snicker over the pun I made. "What are they gonna do next? Dinner and a movie?"

Ellie chuckles with a bit of cheek. "I think they are going to make a couple of super cute baby peacocks."

So they're gonna shake some feathers after this grandstand? Nice. "I'm not superstitious, but two birds fucking on the day of our wedding must be a sign of great fortune." As my wife hums in agreement, my mind steers me toward weird territory. "Do birds even fuck? I mean, I've never seen a duck with a dick."