3.0 The Chronicles of Us - Choas & Clarity

Chapter twenty-nine

•★ Tex ★•

Yesterday, they released me from the hospital. The CAT scan didn't show any sign of serious brain damage. Thank fuck for that. The doctor said the trauma caused retrograde amnesia. Apparently, that means that I lost some memories from before the accident. I may have lost more than only a couple of hours, but that's hard to determine when you can't fucking remember. Those unaccounted hours are freaking me out, though. I have no idea what the fuck I was doing.

False.

A flash of me in a strip club popped up out of nowhere. If I was at a place like that, I really don't wanna remember. The fuck is wrong with me? Going to a titty bar while Ellie and I were on the right track. It was probably just a dream or something. I sincerely fucking hope.

I shake the thought. I have more important things to think about. Like the fact that I'm gonna be an actual fucking father. Not just just playing the part. No, that kid is my blood.

I'm pretty damn stoked about it. The news wasn't really a surprise. I already knew, but, somehow, it was easier to lie to myself; to protect myself from that one percent chance at destructive disappointment.

The fuck am I even doing here on my own? I obviously don't know shit about any of this stuff. I lace my fingers behind my head and stare at the enormous wall covered with different weird objects. Do kids really need that much stuff? A place to sleep and a nipple to suck should be enough, right?

The hell is this? I remember Doc having one of these wooden boxes placed in the living room. Honestly, it looks like some sorta baby prison. I suppose it would come in handy. If that kid is anything like me, it will be a troublemaker for sure.

A tiny me?

Fuck.

Sure, my mother brought out the best in me and kept me busy with music, but I was a pain in the ass most of the time. Always fighting with the kid three doors down. Well, he was a nasty fucker who picked on kids half his size. Still, my parents had to come to school all the time because my teachers didn't exactly appreciate my smart mouth and lack of attention during class, if I even showed up at all. It definitely drove my father up the damn wall. He had no idea how to handle me. What if I'm like that?

"Can I help you with anything?" The sales girl that came out of nowhere eyes me curiously.

"Uhm ... yeah, I don't really know where to start."

She nods and smiles. "When is the baby due?"

Fuck, I really don't know shit. "I'm not sure. My wife is pretty big, can't be much longer, right?"

She chuckles. "We can narrow down the selection if you know the gender."

I blink and scratch my head. "I have no idea to be honest."

With a polite smile, she hides her confusion. "Okay. We can start with the different baby rooms and then move onto transportation, safety products, linen ... "

She rambles on, but her words don't register. I could as well be on a different planet. Everything seems alien to me. Ellie definitely researched the shit outta all this stuff already. She probably has a detailed list of everything we're gonna need.

When we move past the clothing department, I halt and let the girl walk away without me in her trail. She'll realize soon enough that I took off. I was being a weird customer, anyway.

I wander through the different aisles until I'm in front of a rack with tiny pajamas. We're gonna have a little kid that will actually fit in those. It's crazy. The good kind of crazy. My stomach fills with butterflies. Not the bat-shit kind that Ellie causes. No, these flutters are comfortable and fuzzy. What are we gonna have, though?

I hold up two sets, one blue and one pink. I'd like a boy. Saves me the trouble of having awkward conversations about lady parts. I mean, I'm a guy, I would have no issue with telling my son about everything groin related, but delicate girl stuff is not my thing. Yes, a boy would be better. Less sleepless nights when he's old enough to stay out at night. Then again, boys are prone to get into fights. That will definitely keep me up with worry.

A girl, then. I will probably have to suffer through some embarrassing hair-braiding and nail-painting moments, but I sorta like the idea of being my little girl's hero. A little Ellie would be nice. On second thought ... teen pregnancy.

Jesus Christ!

One step at the time.

Both possibilities are exciting yet equally terrifying. It doesn't matter, though. I will try to be the best father I can be for either. I hang the miniature clothes back and walk over to the spot where Ellie and I had that fucked-up fight.

I take one of the stuffed animals from the shelf. She definitely threw a duck in my face. Despite everything, I smile at the memory of it. It quickly falls, though. I wasn't just mean, I was fucking despicable. I'm still a little disappointed that she didn't tell me right away, but most of all I'm envious of not being with her when she found out. I made everything so much worse by acting like a loony bin escapee. Definitely not my finest hour.

Time to leave this shitty chapter behind and move forward. I fish my new phone outta my pocket and try to find Ellie's number. This new operating system is already driving me crazy. Fucking Roy and his perfectly nice gift.

When I finally tap the green telephone icon, she answers before the first ring has rung. "Tex?"

I put the fluffy duck back on the shelf. "Hey, Birdie, are you ho—at the apartment?"

A sigh of relief comes from the other end. "Yes, I am. Where are you?"

My feet are already taking me toward the exit. "I'm on my way." 

♬♬♬♬

A/N

We're almost there 🥰

X Dionne