3.0 The Chronicles of Us - Choas & Clarity

Chapter thirty

*♡ Ellie ♡*

An entire Olympic gymnastics team rehearses their routine in my belly. I'm talking summersaults, sideways saltos, backflips, and turnaround tumbles. Tex is coming over. That must mean he wants to talk. That's a good thing. At least, I hope so ...

Unable to sit still, I push myself off the couch and clean up the mess I made. Mindlessly, I stack the scattered magazines and bring the empty glasses and plates that I've collected over the days to the kitchen. The mug he gave me remains on the coffee table. I want him to know I used it.

Just when I try to hide the pile of dirty clothes underneath the bed, the doorbell rings. Giddy beyond words, I buzz him in and wait for him in the door opening. When he finally walks my way, the butterflies suddenly drop as if their wings froze mid-flutter.

His face doesn't show any emotion, just a blank look that could mean anything and everything. He seems tired, though. These turbulent months took its toll on him and on me as well. We need some peace before the baby is due.

I fumble with my fingers. "Hi."

"Hey." Before guiding me inside, he presses a way-too-quick kiss on my forehead. "Let's have that talk."

That kiss lifted my spirits only slightly. He silently watches me while I struggle a bit to sit down. With a worn chuckle, he supports me by holding my elbow and then sits down on the edge of the coffee table directly in front of me. Our eyes lock for an intense moment before he places his elbows on his knees and drops his head in his hands. "Where the fuck do we even begin?"

He winches a little when he rubs the side of his head. There's a large purple-yellowish bruise. "How is the concussion? Are you still in a lot of pain?"

He shrugs and sighs. "It's fine."

I take his hand and trace the lines of the beautifully macabre death's-head moth tattoo. "Remember all those years ago when you said that you would fudge up again and I would do something stupid?"

"Maybe I should join a road show and become a fortune teller." He smiles wryly, hurt clearly showing through his eyes. It's not the physical kind, though. "Why didn't you tell me sooner or correct me? I could've been there for you. Didn't you want me to go with you to the appointments?"

I'm swimming in guilt once again, but this time I won't drown in it. While I shuffle my butt to the edge, he regards me carefully. "What are you—"

"Hold on. Just let me ... " I manage to sink to my knees in front of him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my forehead against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Tex. I was confused about everything and the doctor told me that stress is bad for the baby so I postponed telling you."

He cups my cheeks, forcing me to look up. "It's okay—"

"No, it's not. I should've told you immediately. You had every right to know, but, to be honest ... " I avert my eyes, too ashamed to hold his gaze. "I was afraid you would reject me ... and the baby."

When I look at him again, he shuts his eyes for a moment and shallows hard. "What I said at the store was disgusting. I didn't mean it. I wasn't glad thinking the kid wasn't mine. I was scared. Terrified, really."

"I know." I take a deep breath before speaking my mind. "But you made it clear more than once that you don't want children. I didn't plan this. I know you envisioned a different kind of life for yourself."

"The only life I desire is the one where I have you. Don't you get that?"

I nod sincerely. "Yes, I do, but what if you grow to resent me for the path I'm forcing you on? I don't think I can handle the loss of your love and—"