The world that I cry

29

Arielle's pov...

Dying should have been the most frightening process that a person should have to go through, but, for me, it really wasn't. Killing Asteria to 'prove my point' may have been one of my stupidest ideas that I have decided for, but I can't change my past. Dying should have felt painful, but it felt, peaceful? When I died, even though it may have been for less than an hour, it was the most soothing hour of my life. It wasn't darkness what most people think it may feel like, it was bright, colourful and magical. And no, I am not glorifying death but when it truly is my time, I won't be scared anymore. I saw people I had never seen before roaming the streets and laughing, truly laughing. People were happy, they were smiling. But now, I feel the darkness again, I feel the fear of death still creeping on my skin like the devil trying to pull me under. I can't explain it, the last few seconds of my life before I was somehow revived was what felt like the slowest moments of my life. It was filled with pain, anger, and fear. I saw Morcar standing next to me waiting for me to stop, but I couldn't, I couldn't stop. I tried with every bone in my body to pull away from Asteria's unworthy body, but I just couldn't. She, and her stupid organisation caused my mother and fathers death, and that could simply not be forgiven. But she still got what she wanted, she wanted me to die, and maybe, just maybe, I fell into her trap. Maybe she just wanted me to sacrifice myself to her, so she technically killed my whole family. Charlie was already dead to her, but me, I was alive and well. To her anyway. She didn't like the fact of someone better than her roaming the streets, and I'm not just talking about my powers. I care about the world, whereas all she wanted to do was bring terror to it, but now she can't, because she's gone.

As we walk up the steep hill towards the portal, it truly makes me think, what is the meaning of life? Why do we live, feel happiness or sadness, feel anything at all? Maybe it was to love, or maybe it was to loathe others. In my eyes, it is up for interpretation, depending on your mindset. See I think that Asteria was a troubled child, she felt like she had to grow up so quickly to reach others expectations. She never got to be normal, she always knew of her powers, she knew things a child shouldn't have. In people's eyes Asteria was a fighter, a troubled soul, evil consumed her and made her the cruel woman that I murdered, in cold blood, in envy. I looked into her eyes as she was dying in my arms, her eyes were no longer filled with rage and anger, they were filled with fear, fear of her afterlife. I wouldn't blame her, she was a wicked woman, a gruesome woman. But it was her only way of living, it was her way of life. And maybe she thought I was evil, because I was different to her, different to people around her. Maybe if she felt loved, I wouldn't be in this situation where I feel like I should apologise to her corpse for killing her. She ruined my life, and in her afterlife, she is still making me drown in the guilt that I feel now. I still feel my hands wrapped around her neck, gripping into her airways. I could feel her throat tightening around me, my adrenaline told me that what I was doing to this woman wasn't enough, so I had to push myself to another limit to kill her truly, without harnessing the power of anyone else to do it.

"Are you- never mind," Morcars voice timidly spoke up finally after being too frightened to speak before. We haven't spoken since he first saw me again, but I didn't know what to say to him. I still love him, and I care for him, but how can I keep loving someone that is terrified of me? And even if he isn't, he is doing a good job of making it look like he is mad at me.

"Morcar... Do you- Are you- frightened of me?" Charlie and Coraline sped off, hands interlocked with each other. I could understand why they wouldn't want to be here whilst we speak of something like this, it would just be awkward for them. I came to a halt which made Morcar stop in front of me. I gaze into Morcar's eyes and he looks away, looking anywhere else but me. "So is this it then?" I say cautiously, trying not to trigger any of mine or his emotions.