My Love.

6

((Just thought I'd pop in here and leave a little trigger warning. There's a panic attack in this chapter so if that effects you I've put a '*' where it starts and one where I think it mostly ends. The way I've described this is through basing it off of things that happen to me, I obviously do not know if this is how he feels at all. I'm also aware I've not really said anything in any of these updates and it's just mainly because I've never done this before and didn't actually intend to publish, still not entirely sure I'm going to even leave it up. However, Thanks to anyone that's read this so far, I appreciate it a bunch :)))

O W E N

30th September 2019.

*I was startled awake and dripping with sweat as soon as the nightmare ended. My breathing was heavy and I looked frantically around the room pinching myself to make sure I was actually awake. My anxiety hadn't played up in a while, but I was smart enough to be aware that today wasn't going to be a good day, it never was when I had a nightmare. I was really grateful that Bella had turned down another sleepover, in favour of spending time with Kyra last night because I really liked her and didn't need her seeing me like this; even if she herself somewhat knew what I was going through.

My whole body was shaking and I knew I needed to shower off the sweat before I started to feel gross, it would make me spiral even more. The water was hot, probably a little too hot, but right now I could not care less. Soon enough I was getting myself dressed into a pair of shorts and sweatshirt. Still not feeling any less anxious I opened all of the windows and the door to my room needing to assure myself that I wasn't trapped at all. After sitting down and trying to regulate my breaths for a short while, I heard a small knock on my open door and saw Charlie enter.

"Owen? Are you okay buddy?" My eyes were clamped shut but I knew that he had sat near me from the noise it made on the carpet. I couldn't answer him right now and I think he understood because he stayed with me for as long as it took me to calm down.

"I don't know why it's happening today, I've been okay. I thought I was okay." I ran my hand through my damp hair and pulled at it tightly trying to distract myself in any way that I could.

"You can't predict when it's going to happen O, but you'll get through it you always do." I finally looked up at my best friend for the first time since he came in. I could tell he was concerned but trying to hide it to make me feel better. The doorbell suddenly rang causing me to jump slightly.

"It's just Bella, Mads and Kyra okay? I'm going to go let them in. Do you want me to shut your door?"

"No I-it makes me feel trapped if the doors are shut." I replied in a panic and he reassured me that he wouldn't.

As much as I didn't want her to, I knew Bella was going to see me like this today now. She had to walk past my door with everyone and with how caring she is I know that she wouldn't just leave me alone completely. I heard the voices in the corridor getting closer and Charlie made sure to usher them to the living room as fast as he could.

"Can I try talking to him, please Charlie." I heard her whisper.

"I'll check"

I saw him come back inside of my room and just nodded when he asked, I didn't want her to see, but I also didn't want her spending her time worrying. I forced myself to stand up and when she came into the room I felt the need to hug her, so I did.

"Hey, you're going to be okay." She whispered into my neck and we just stood in the centre of my bedroom as her touch started to calm me down significantly. All of my focus was on her hand rubbing up and down the centre of my back soothingly.