Amazed By You (Sequel To Look After You)

(25) "I Can't Let Go"

Six months later 

It was the start of their sophomore year of college. Bucky because he struggled getting himself and Camden ready in the mornings. He lightened his class load on Tuesdays and Thursdays was the only days he had classes on campus. The rest of his classes were online and he could stay home and work on his homework while Cam was at daycare. 

Bucky joined the boys in the kitchen making himself a bowl of cereal one Saturday morning. 

"Things going well with Alyssa? I seen her leave this morning..you two have been together for about a month and half." Sam said 

"Yeah sure.." he said as he shoved the spoonful of cereal in his mouth. 

He poured some coffee. "Cam go with Ellie okay yesterday with your dad?" Steve said 

"Yeah." He said in a defeated tone. 

"Bucky what's wrong?" Sam said 

"It's nothing. I'm gonna go to the library and get some studying done." He said as he walked away. 

Once he disappeared the boys looked at each other. "Is it just me or is he acting weird?" Clint said 

"It's not just you." Steve said

Meanwhile Bucky's girlfriend Alyssa was having breakfast with Natasha,Wanda and Yelena. 

"So how are things with Bucky? I am so glad I set you two up." Wanda said 

"Not great.." Alyssa said 

"What do you mean?" Wanda said 

"He just seems distant. And I know he's got a lot on his plate with balancing school and Camden. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. He just doesn't seem like he's really into the relationship." Alyssa said 

Nat sighed as she secretly thought to herself "Damn you Barnes." 

"Am I being crazy?" Alyssa said 

"No..I think it's still just new. And besides you are the first girl he's dated in two years. The last girl he dated was a real bitch. You are the opposite of that.." Wanda said 

"Why did they break up?" Alyssa said 

"Because she harassed his baby mother's. Ellie Kate is someone very special to him he screwed up. Ellie Kate moved on and it nearly broke him." Natasha said 

"Oh.." Alyssa said 

"Let's talk about something else.." Yelena said 

Later that afternoon Bucky returned to the house where Steve was folding his own laundry. 

"Hey Steve. Where is everyone else?" He said 

"Sam and Clint went to the gym." Steve said 

"Oh.." he said as he went to go upstairs. 

"Hey Buck. I want to talk." Steve said 

Bucky sat his books down on the stairs. "If this is about how you want to marry Natasha I don't want to hear it." He said 

"It's not that. Sit down." Steve said as he moved his basket.

They both sat down. "I'm worried about you. Natasha did call me she said that Alyssa can sense your mood that you are distant." He said 

Bucky looked down. "I can't let her go." Bucky whispered 

"Whose this her!" Steve said 

Bucky looked at him. "Really? You are going to ask me that." He said 

"Ellie.." Steve said 

"Yes. I can't even get off without thinking about her. I love Ellie and I made mistakes that costed me the love of my life. And now I have to sit back and watch another man take my place. A place that's been mine since we were little.." Bucky said 

"If you aren't happy and you aren't ready to move on. Then why did you agree to go on the date?" Steve said 

"Because my dad told me that I had to move on. That I had to accept the fact that another man put a ring on her finger. I will never forgive myself for this Steve. I will never be able to fully move on from Ellie." He said 

"Then you don't need to be wasting Alyssa's time." Steve said 

"Yeah." He said as he walked off. 

Later on Bucky and Alyssa were standing in the driveway. He had his hands dug into his hoodie. 

"Alyssa the reason why I don't want to go inside. Is because I can't do this I'm not fully ready for a relationship. You are beautiful and amazing cheerleader any guy would be lucky to have you. I'm just not that guy..because I'm not ready to fully let go of Cam's mom. So I'm sorry I have to end this." He said 

Alyssa felt like a deflated balloon. "I understand.." she said with a shaky voice. 

He wiped a stray tear that fell down her cheek. "I'm sorry Alyssa..I wish I could cause you are an amazing incredible girl." He said as he kissed her cheek. 

"Yeah.." she said as she wiped a few tears and sniffled. 

Bucky went back inside as she got in her car. "Did you do it?" Steve said 

"Yeah.." he said as he went up to his room to fold his and Cam's laundry. 

The next day James and Winnie stopped by after picking up Cam when they met Ellie. 

"Daddy daddy.." Camden said as he ran to Bucky. 

Bucky caught him and picked him up. "Hey there he is.." he said as he hugged him. 

"Here son..Ellie sent these. Apparently someone has decided to be a big boy and has started to get the hang of potty training." James said as he handed Bucky a bag of night time pull ups and underwear. 

"Alright that's awesome. Give me a high five.." Bucky said as he took the bag.

"I gotta go. We had your aunt Ingrid watch your little sister and new little brother. Bye Cam grandpa loves you." He said as he tickled him. 

Cam went into a fit of giggles. 

James hugged Bucky. "Love you son." 

"Love you dad." He said as he blew his mom a kiss. 

She blew one back as James got in the car as Bucky and Cam made their way inside.