'Partners forever' // An Upstead Story 🤍

Chapter 45: Depressed

Around 2 days later

Jays POV
It's been about 48 hours since I took Hailey home from the Hospital, she hasn't eaten or slept at all. At first she was just crying, then it turned into silence, but now she's spiralling. I don't know how to help her because every time I try to comfort her she pushes me away. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she is feeling right now and I don't want to upset her more by annoying her, but the more she is drowning the harder it is to help. I know this feeling, I understand the pain and guilt she is feeling, but Hailey different to me, she hides it all. She has gotten so good at burying her pain over the years but this time round she can't control it. There's to much to bury and it hurt to much to hide it.

Hailey's POV
I am so far past exhausted. I feel like I am dead inside. My body feels numb but my brain is just going crazy. I keep reliving ever second of that night, playing the memory over and over again in my mind.
I am pacing in the living room when I hear someone walk closer. I know that it's Jay but I just don't want to talk to him right now incase is say or do something I will regret. "Hailey can please eat something" I hear him ask as he walks closer to me. I shake my head, no paying attention to him. "Hailey this isn't good for you" he says quietly. "I don't care" I say bluntly as I start pacing the floor.

"Tell me what your feeling" he says. I look up at him. "You wanna know what I'm feeling?" I say angry. "Yes I do" he says. "Jay I feel like I am dying it hurts that bad. I feel like there is so much pain that it's like someone is stabbing my heart" I stutter as I try to stop myself from crying. He looks at me sadly the comes up to me and hugs me. "I'm sorry that she died-" he starts but I pull away from him. "She didn't die Jay, She was murdered!" I shout as I push him away from me and into the wall. "She was murdered because of me. My job got her killed! I got her killed!" I shout as I look up at him, I stop shouting when realise that I had hurt him. I can't believe I just did that, I feel horrible.

"Jay I-" "Hit me. Will that make you feel better? Hit me, come on" he says as he walk back over to me. "I'm not gonna hit you" I say sadly. "You want to take your angry out, that's fine. Hit me!" he says as he walks closer. "Jay please don't. I don't want to end up hurting you" I say as I back away from him. "You need to get some of this out of your system" he says as he puts his hands behind his back. "Hit me" he says calmly as he looks at me "I can't Jay! Because you did nothing wrong!" I shout as I look up at him. "Hailey just take it out on me, it's eating you alive" he says sadly as he walks closer to me.

Jays POV
She pushed me away from her, that was totally unlike her character and that's when I knew that she was seriously dying inside. I knew that she needed to get it out of her system, she needed someway to realise her anger but I know that she wouldn't hit me. I really don't want to make her more upset but I need to provoke her so she will hit me. I walk closer to her, "She died you-" "SHE WAS MURDERED JAY! She's gone FOREVER! And there is nothing" she pushes me back "nothing that I can do to bring her back" she says as she pushes me again.

I knew I was getting somewhere because she was finally getting angry and letting out her feelings. Yelling all of the trapped feelings inside of her. "I know that you loved her but she's gone. Hailey she's gone" I say sadly "don't you think I don't know that!" She shouts as she pushes me again this time with more force "you think that I don't have to live with this!" She yells again as she hits my chest with her hands. It didn't hurt but I knew that it was helping her so I just stand there and take everything she hands me. Each shove and hit is getting more force in it as she yells and screams stuff.

Hailey's POV
I was finally getting everything off my chest but at what cost. I was so blinded by my rage that I have pushed Jay around the whole living room I can't believe it, he now has his back to a wall and I am only just realising that I was hurting him. I jump back in fear and look at him, I've hurt him. I can't believe I actually used him as someone to take my anger out on, he's my partner, my fiancé and I hit him.

Oh my god I'm like my dad. I panic as I look up at Jay who is looking at me. I can feel my tears start to fall again and Jay takes a step closer to me and I back away. "Hailey?" He says quietly but I ignore him and look down at my hands "I-I hurt you" I stutter as I look up at him "you didn't hurt me" he says "I can't believe I did that. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" I cry "hey no it's okay. I'm okay, we're okay" he whispers as he pulls me into a hug.

Jays POV
She stops and I look up at her, she looks scared and panicked "Hailey?" I ask quietly but she ignores me and look down at her hands "I-I hurt you" She stutters as she looks up at me with sad eyes "you didn't hurt me" i say as I walk towards her "I can't believe I did that" she mumbles "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" She cries "hey no it's okay. I'm okay, we're okay" i whisper as I pull her into my embrace and hold her there. "I'm like my dad. Ohh my god, I used you like my personal punching bag" she sobs which breaks my heart. "No Hailey you will never be your father, none of that even hurt it was just to stop you from keeping it all inside" I say

"That's not an excuse to use you like that" she cries. "Hailey it's okay, we're okay" I say as I hold her tighter. She shakes her head and then rips her self from my grip. "What have I become?" She asks herself as she backs away from me. "Hailey" I say as I look at her falling apart. She doesn't hear me as she starts to panic. "I-I...I...what....why-did...." she stutters as her breathing picks up a bit. "It's okay Hailey, it's okay" I say as I walk closer to her.

Hailey's POV
He comes closer to me as I try to stop myself from hurting him again. I just feel so much pain I want to explode. "It should've been me, it should've been me" I cry as I look up to him. "It was my fault!" I sob "no" he says as steps closer to me. "It was I told her to stay, she didn't want to and I didn't listen, I didn't listen I just wanted to spend time with her" I sob. "Hailey this was not your fault" he says. "Nothing you say will change anything!" I sob as I look at him. I can see he had tears in his eyes and he looks at me sympathetically.

"I just need the pain to be gone" I whisper. "I know" he says back as he wraps his arms around me, holding my tight. I sob into his arms as he holds and comforts me. We stand like this for a couple of minutes until his phone starts to ring. He lets go of me and picks it up. He looks down and me then closes his eyes before hanging up. "They still haven't got anything yet. There's not a lot of evidence to keep going." he sighs sadly. I close my eyes and move away from him. "There not giving up Hailey" he says.

"That doesn't matter" I sigh irritated. "It does Hailey. We are not giving up" he says. "IT DOESN'T MATTER JAY. NONE OF THIS MATTERS OKAY IF FAITH IS DEAD.....Nothing else matters" I cry. He looks shocked at my sudden outburst but then his features soften. "Hails, look at me" he says quietly. I look up to him and he walks closer to me. "We are gonna get through this, together" he says as he pulls me back into his arms, kissing the top of my head.