'Partners forever' // An Upstead Story 🤍

Chapter 47: Broken-hearted

⚠️ TW ⚠️

Hailey's POV
Have you ever felt so much pain in your life that you feel like it will kill you? Like have you ever been so lost that you feel like you have to die to stop the pain? Well me too, but the problem is that it is a terrible mistake. The love you have in your life is hard to notice until you nearly lose it, the many great things of life you could miss. Life is such a amazing thing that we are gifted by, some people get it really ruff and others don't, but i promise you that it's not all bad. You will get to fall in love, to be free, to live a life that you want and I promise you that what ever life you create it is worth sticking around for. Sometimes life is like you are walking through a dark tunnel, it can be scary and hard but you will make it to the other end where the light shines on you. And when that days come, it's the best feeling ever.

But recently this week I have felt nothing but darkness and pain, the loss of my best friend, my person, has left me so completely lost. So this morning I locked my door, turned the shower on and swallowed those pills. I sat on floor under the water and waited. After a few minutes i started to feel numb, like I wasn't even apart of my body anymore.
To be honest the feeling felt great but then it didn't. My body starts to fall over as I feel myself lay down on the wet ground. This was it, this is the end. My eyes start to grow heavy as I feel myself shutting down. I let my eyes close as I sink away into darkness.

I open my eyes and everything is bright. I raise a hand above my eyes to try and block some of it out. I slowly sit up and I realise that I'm in a field. 'Why am I in a field?' I think to myself as I slowly stand up. "Hails?" I hear the voice of the person I love most say. I turn around in shock as I see her standing behind me. "Fay!" I yell happily as I rush towards her, jumping into her arms. We hold each other right as I feel myself start to cry.

"Your okay" I smile as I look at her, checking her over. "Wait your not supposed be here" she says as she looks at me. "I'm here with you now, that's all that matters" I smile. "I've been watching you torture yourself. You need to listen to me. This was not your fault. What happened to me was something you couldn't of controlled or stopped." She says sternly. "You did everything you could to save me and you did, you got me to the hospital alive" she says. "Well you still died" I say as I tear rolls down my cheek. "Hailey what you did down there was stupid. We both know that is never the answer" she says. "But I get to see you" I cry.

"Hailey if this works that means you have to watch Jay and the rest of your unit struggle. The pain that this will cause them. You will have a front row seat in watching Jays heart break. Is that what you want?" She asks. "This isn't fair. Either way I loose!" I shout. "You need them Hailey, they need you. I fine on my own. Always have been" she smiles. I start to cry as I shake my head. "You have to choose Hailey." She says. "I want both" I cry as I look up at her. "Hailey right now your fiancé has just found you on the floor. He is begging for you to wake up and not leave him. Your breaking his heart as I cries out at your body." She says sadly. I close my eyes and try not to picture it. "I never meant for him to have to see that" I say. "You didn't think about what would happen after?" She asks. "No I was think that the pain of loosing you would stop" I cry. "But now you have just passed the pain on to someone else" she sighs.

"I just want you back" I cry as I look up at her. "You have to go back" she says as she walks towards me. "I don't think I can" I cry. "Just try one more time, okay? One more time for me" she begs. "I can't" I cry. "You can Hailey, think about Jay and your unit. Think about the life you made, the life you are gonna experience." She says "But I can't do it without you" I sob. "You can! You just got to learn to feel it, let the pain in, let the happiness and love in. Just remember the feeling of living, the feeling of breathing and being held by those who love you. You may not see it now Hailey, but I promise you that it's all going to be worth it." She says as she hold my hand. "i need you, it's dark without you" I cry. "Hailey i am always with you, I never left" she says as she pulls me into a hug then whispers "I love you so much" In my ear.

"I love you too" I cry as I pull her into a tight hug. Suddenly I feel my chest tightening and my legs go weak. I fall to the floor as I try to catch my breathe. I watch as Faith frantically falls down next to me. "Hailey?" She cries panicking. I felt like my lungs were closing and were giving up on me. She was looking at me crying, "breathe Hailey. Come on please just breathe" she cries as she holds my hand. "You can do this, I'm here. I always will be, even if you can't see me. I will always be here." She says as she kisses my hand. "I love you so much" she cries as she looks down at me. I nod back at her. "I'm so proud of you" she smiles. My eyes close and I take in my last deep breathe before re-entering the darkness. All alone again but this time I was struggling to breathe, there was no air.

I open my eyes and I feel my lungs fill with much needed air. I panic at first as I try to figure out where I am. I'm in my bathroom with Will and Jay. Jay is above me frantically talking to me but I can barely make out what he's saying from the ringing in my ears. I feel cold and weak and I'm soaking wet, 'why are my clothes wet?'. I feel Jay pull me into his embrace and holds me tight to his chest, I can hear him repeating "I've got you, I've got you now" to me as the ringing in my ears starts to fade. I feel a warm towel being wrapped around my cold body and start to feel myself grow tired. My breathing slows down to normal and my heavy eyes close. I feel safe and warm in Jay's embrace and that's when I knew I could let go.

Hours later

I open my eyes and I realise that I'm in my bed. I look up and I see Jay sitting watching me. He gives me a small smile as he takes my hand. "What happened? How long have I been sleeping?" I ask confused as I look around. "You've been in and out for a couple hours" he sighs. "I'm just glad your okay" he says as he kisses my forehead. "Jay what happened?" I ask as i try to remember. "You can't remember anything?" He asks. "I Ugh remember seeing faith. I was talking to her in this field and she was crying begging me to go back and breathe" I say confused. "I was struggling, I couldn't breathe and then when I woke up I was on the bathroom floor with you and Will" I say.

He looks down at the ground and sighs. "Jay was is it?" I ask concerned. He looks back up at me with tears in his eyes. "Hailey you-ugh tried to overdose" he stutter slightly. I look at him shocked as I try to remember. "You turned on the shower and swallowed a bunch of oxycodone pills. I head to break down the door to get to you" he says as a tear rolls down his cheek. I feel myself start to cry as I look at the pain I caused him. "Jay I'm so sorry" I cry. "Hey it's okay. We gonna fix this" he says as he takes my hand. "I love you" he says as he pulls me into his arms. "I love you too" I cry as I hold him tightly.