'Partners forever' // An Upstead Story 🤍

Chapter 64: Afterwards

Jay's POV
I look down at myself and I see her blood all over my clothes. I feel like I'm frozen in my spot as I raise my hands to look at her dried blood on them. I feel someone's hand rest on my shoulder and I turn to see Kevin standing there. He looks at me with sad sympathetic eyes. I look down at the ground as the tears start to fall from my eyes. "Hey man, come here" he says as he pulls me into a hug. I start cry as he hugs me. "I need her to be okay" I cry quietly. "She will. She's a fighter" he says. He lets me go and I look back down at the ground. "I'm gonna go wash my hands" I say as I head to the bathroom. I run the hot water and I watch as her blood goes down the drain.

I walk to the waiting room and over to the seating area. I feel myself collapse into one of the first chairs I see. I start to fiddle with my fingers as I try to keep myself calm. Someone holds a bottle of water out in front of me and I look up to see Kevin. "Thank you" I say as I take it. I open it and take a drink but stop when I hear Kim, Adam and Voight all come bursting in. Kevin goes towards them to update them all. Kim comes and sits down next to me, placing a hand on my back. I look up to her and she just nods with a soft smile on her face but tears in her eyes. She leans down and pulls me into her embrace.

Adam comes over and squeezes my shoulder as he sits down next to me. Kevin and Voight both take a seat too as we wait for an update. I can feel my emotions rising to the surface again as we wait. I can't break down here, I can't do this now. I shake me head and sit up properly. "Ugh guys I'm just gonna get some fresh air, I'll be back in a minute" I say as I stand up. I walk through the entrance doors and around the side of the hospital. Once I get to the side where it is hidden and quiet I lean against the wall. I try to take a deep breath to calm myself but I can't. My legs can no longer hold me as slide to the floor. I start sobbing quietly as I rest my hands over my face.

I can still see her laying there on the floor lifeless and I start to panic. I cover my head with my arms as I try to block out the images of her laying on the floor. She was alone, she was hurt and I just left. How could I do that? I keep thinking about how things could be different if I just didn't leave her alone in the locker room. I should just have stayed and comforted her. All of the 'ifs' come flooding in as I think about all of the things I could have done to change this. What if I should have waited for an ambulance? What if we weren't quick enough?Theses 'what if' thoughts cause my breathing to pick up and make my chest tight.

The thought of her being taken away from me forever was the most painful thing. I can never do it, I can never loose her ever. She's the love of my life. I feel myself struggle to take a deep breath as I sob. Everything feels small and tight. It feels like I'm stuck and I can think straight. My mind going crazy as I try to stop myself from panicking and try to breathe properly. It's not working which causes me to struggle more. I shake my head and think about Hailey. How she helps. I think back to that one day when I was having a panic attack and I just do what she told me to do that day. In and out, in and out, in and out. After doing this for a few minutes I feel my breathing start to slow to normal. I take a minute sitting here steadying myself before I go back inside.

I wipe my tears and take a few deep breaths before walking back inside. I walk past them all and I sit back down in my seat and everyone is silent. I look at my watch and I see that it has been almost an hour since they took her. My leg bounces up and down as the anxiety start to kick in. I leans back in my chair and cover my face. 'I wonder is this how she felt when I was shot?' I think to myself. 'Well if it was I will never get shot again because this feeling is absolutely awful. I don't think I have ever felt something like this' I think as I look around the room.

I see Will walk out into the waiting room with his tablet. I stand up right away and rush towards him as everyone else follows. "How is she?" I ask as soon as he is in front of me. "She sustained quite a few injuries Jay. Now we have ran most of our test that we can do but as she is still in surgery, we have to wait until she is out. She is heavily concussed and has a head injury, we're not sure how severe it is right now but we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it." He says as he looks down at his tablet and scrolls a bit. I look at him impatiently as I wait for him to spit it out.