"Why can't you sleep?" I ask a simple question.
Silence, it only lasts a minute or two but feels like ages.
"Because everytime I close my eyes I see you leaving my bed in the middle of the night, I hear you breathing through the telephone, your sile...
(again I know, I'm just making up for the lack of smut at the beginning of the book lol)
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
-Lucy Urbinati-
"I'm serious, I can't do that... No... Amanda just fucking tell him already alright?"
"Fuck off it's not gonna happen!" He says through gritted teeth, whispering through the phone while ranking a nervous hand through his untamed mess of hair on his head with his bare back to me as he faces the window.
His words catch me off guard and I have to stop in the middle of the hallway, not wanting to disturb him at first but now I can't help myself in wanting to hear more of the conversation, even if it's one sided.
It's around 10 pm but i'm already exhausted and ready to go to sleep, because today was a really tough day for me mentally. I spent the entire afternoon talking with everyone, it's been about two weeks since i've been here now and they all had so many questions. I could tell none of them wanted to be the first to bring up the topic, they didn't know if I would be able to answer them. But I'm not blind, I can see the way they all look at me so I told them that they could ask me anything and I would tell them that they didn't need to be so cautious around me.
So this entire afternoon, we all sat on the couch and they all asked their question, or more so they listened as I told them what I had told Harry first, which was absolutely everything. It was really difficult but they needed to know, and I can't keep on hiding things from them, voluntarily or not. Harry was there the entire time even if he had heard it all already, but he just held my hand and it immediately made it easier for me.
They were all so shocked when I told them what had happened, and the things I had done just to get out of the mess I had created for myself. That was definitely the hardest part, having to relive my worst mistakes. I didn't mention the nightmares I had, nor the dreams I had when I was drowning because that was just too personal. These were things I only felt comfortable sharing with Harry.
It's strange because I used to be able to tell absolutely anything to Dev and the twins, and now it feels like I can't really do that anymore, not because they wouldn't listen to me but because I don't really want them to know.. I've been feeling guilty about that for the past two weeks, and I hope that mental barricade will fall apart and allow me to share these things with them again, because so many things have changed already and I don't want my relationship with my family to change. But I've already messed everything up, I can't really expect everything to be the exact same. I'm the only one to be blamed here and the only thing I can do is spend the rest of my life making it up to everyone around me.
So after an emotionally draining day, I couldn't wait to get into bed and sleep next to Harry, just let him diminish the volume of my thoughts to nothingness and help me fall asleep. But he sounds angry as he speaks into the phone, and it's making my heart race a little bit.
