Ephemeral //H.S

Chapter 9

 -Harry Styles-

"That was fucked up." Niall says, carrying his bag on his shoulder as we walk down the stairs and to the front door of Lucy's house. I don't say anything but hum in response.

"Did you see his face?" He then asks, making me look up to him and I nod.

"Yeah, but I couldn't tell if I've seen him before." That's all I could think about on the drive here, with her next to me staring out the window but I've never seen this guy before. Or maybe I just didn't remember.

I don't really regret the last two years because I honestly don't remember much of it and I kinda liked being high out of my mind, but it definitely took a toll on my memory. I've had to memorize so many things in the past; phone numbers, faces, names, adresses fuck I even had to learn another languages. And after everything I've done to myself, I wasn't expecting to have everything working properly after two years of drug abuse, two overdoses and literal death. My brain is fucked up now, and I only regret it because I can't help her the way I know I could've.

"It was probably just a psycho who likes to kidnap girls." He shrugs before starting to walk to his car and adding "Fucking creepy though."

He's probably right, but I have this feeling that he wasn't just that. Everyone has secrets, things were too ashamed or even scared to say out loud and share. My list is quite long, they're not exactly secrets to anyone around me. But to anyone on the outside, like Lucy, they're things I couldn't say out loud. It's so fucking selfish, but I wish I could see hers, I want her to feel like she could tell me her deepest darkest secrets.

It was all I could see when she looked at me yesterday. She was so tense, sad and scared. So many secrets hidden behind her eyes, but what disturbed me is that her body language was the total opposite. Her face was calm and relaxed even though her bloodshot and tired eyes were hiding so much. She had been crying, probably for a while. Maybe because of that letter, but was trying so hard to hide everything inside.

But the way she looked at me today was different, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it. It's permanently printed behind my eyelids and it's the only thing I see when blink, like flashes coming to life at every beat where my lids close. And everytime it's the same thing: her big deep blue eyes welling up with tears, the horror coming to life when she couldn't breathe, and the panic state she was in when she was clinging onto me with her bloody hands, desperately gasping for air. And the three words that have been playing in my head for about an hour now. "Someone's after me."

"Niall?" I ask, raising my voice so he can hear me, and he stops in his tracks, slowly turning around. His shoulders deflate and he sighs heavily, tilting his head to the side with raised brows.

"What?"

"Tell Louis to find out if there's security cameras in that parking lot and to get the footage." I say, a hand going through my hair before turning on my feet to walk back inside but he stops me.

"Mate, you're not even back in." he says in disbelief, frowning his brows and crossing his arms against his chest, and I shrug.

"I don't need their permission for this. If he wants me back in then i'm back in, but I'm not fucking begging for it. Besides this has nothing to do with them. So can you ask Louis or not?" I say with irritation, and he sighs loudly with a "Fine" before walking back to his car. I can hear him mumble things to himself when he puts his bag in the trunk and shuffles to the driver's seat before driving away.

I can't fucking believe it, I might not have the job back yet but that doesn't mean I can't do whatever I want. I don't owe them anything, not after they left me to die in a goddamn Californian forest. That job was my entire life, but after that night my so called boss, father, whatever he calls himself, didn't seem to care anymore. I was the best for fuck's sake, but as soon as I was hit it's like I was already dead to him. Not even worth saving. I know that considering what we did I didn't expect him to care about me, but it looked like he still did and it granted me advantages. That's hat's all I've ever had, I worked so fucking hard for it so I know I'll instanly go back when they ask me to. But I can't look desperate for it. And maybe next time I might be worth saving.