Ephemeral //H.S

Chapter 35

-Lucy Urbinati-

Seven days.

It's been seven days since I left, and seven days since I haven't stopped driving. I was feeling like the leather was starting to melt into the back of my thighs. I didn't sleep for the first two days because I was trying to get as far as possible, and every time I felt like sleeping I would just sleep in my car. But I was almost in San Francisco, and my eyelids were starting to get extremely heavy. I had been driving for about 10 hours straight and I honestly don't know how I haven't crashed yet.

After about an hour of convincing myself that I should find somewhere to sleep I finally exit the highway, and just like it was fate I immediately find a motel right after the exit. If I'm honest it does look a little run down but I couldn't care any less at this moment, all I want is to lay down and hopefully fall asleep into a deep sleep, a sleep without any dreams or images. I hadn't been getting the best sleep these past few days considering I had been sleeping in my car, or just not sleeping at all and simply laying on the hood of the car with my back against the windshield and my eyes just staring at the sky while I would cry in silence. But then the sun would rise and I would have to find a place to wash up and change clothes, and sometimes eat on the days that I felt like I could put something past my lips that wasn't just water. It was so hard not to drive all the way back, but I tried to remind myself of the reasons why I left every time I was feeling like that. And I know that tonight is one of those nights, because tonight I miss them a lot, and him even more.

I park my car into the parking lot, a sigh escaping my lips when the engine is finally off, I rest my forehead against the steering wheel for a little while, taking in a few deep breath, clenching and unclenching my fists to try and feel my numb fingers again and get ready to leave my car and face a real person. Sitting up straight again I glance to the passenger seat and grab the gym bag on the floor that already contains a few items of clothing, and empty the content of the glove compartment inside the bag; my ID papers and a gun, I decide to leave one inside the car just in case, and I close it.

I look outside for a few minutes, seeing a man standing outside of his room I assume since the door is open behind him, smoking a cigarette and looking back at me, probably thinking that I can't really see him since it's so dark outside. There is only one other car on this parking lot and I'm guessing that it belongs to him. I snap myself out of it and gab my bag before getting out of the car, the second I'm on my feet I have to hold onto the doorframe because my head starts to spin and spots starts to form in front of my eyes. I try to be as discreet as possible, facing the floor as my knuckles turn white while I hold onto my open car door, my eyes screwing shut as I take a few deep breaths to try and make it stop.

I feel so weak, I haven't eaten in about two days now, and I wouldn't be shocked if I passed out right here and then but I can't let myself do that. So I suck it up and raise my head, letting go of the door before slamming it behind me and locking it. I see the man staring at me from the corner of my eye, and I'm guessing it's probably because I'm wearing that same white dress under my coat but I don't pay attention to him and he walks back into his room. I desperately need to buy new clothes because I can't keep on rotating the same five outfit options I brought with me without washing them, but I'll be home some time tomorrow, I'm sure Grandma will let me wash my clothes there, and I'll finally get to see Harley again.

My heavy boots crush the snow as I walk towards the reception, I open the door and walk in, and immediately the woman at the reception looks up. Her grey hair are held in a tight low bun, and by the way she looks at me she doesn't seem like a warm person. Her eyes are cold as she stares at me while I lean my elbows against the counter she stands behind.