Ephemeral //H.S

Chapter 63

-Lucy Urbinati-

I remember sitting on these steps, reading the letter that started everything. I've read it so many times I'm sure I could recite it even to this day.  I remember crying on Devon's lap when I first read it, I cried so much back then it's ridiculous now that I think about it. I had nothing to cry about, no real reason to be so sad and miserable all the time. And now that I do have real reasons, I don't even have the time to feel sorry for myself.

It feels so strange being here, I never thought I'd see this house so soon again but it does feel serene in a weird way. No one else is here except for me, Harry's house is also empty. It's so quiet, disturbingly calm. Or maybe it's only disturbing because I know it won't stay like this for very long, because I know what's coming next. So I decide to take advantage of the silence, and of being alone to venture through my house probably for the last time ever.

I go up the stairs to my bedroom and the first thing I notice is that the bed is unmade, I'm not sure why but my first instinct is to sit down on it. The sheets are cold, but for some reason I expected them to be warm. As I look around the room I could almost imagine the sun coming out and creating an orange glow throughout the room, but it's raining outside, the sky is completely grey and the atmosphere feels cold. But if I think about it really hard, I could almost imagine Harry coming out of my bathroom with a towel low on his hips, a smirk on his lips as he gets in bed with me. I can imagine waking up on top of him, his hands stroking up and down my bare back, the smell of his cologne, his lips on my skin as he kisses me awake.

It's sad to think that I didn't take the time to enjoy every moment I spent with him back then, I wish I spent more time with Harry because I could've. I miss him, I miss the mornings we spent together before anything bad happened, I miss eating snacks in bed with him while watching movies, sitting on the docks and kissing with just the sound of the water and the birds around us.

I also miss myself, the me before everything happened. I could've been really happy, I was starting to be thanks to Harry, and I know he would've made me really fucking happy in the end but life decided otherwise I guess. But I was also the one making all the mistakes that lead me to where I am right now. I was the one who fled the first chance I got, I was the one who got kidnapped, who escaped Marco, who lost the baby, who fell off the cliff. And now I'm the one in my own house, waiting to be taken somewhere else again.

I knew what to expect the second I walked on the property, I saw the surveillance cameras high up in the trees, I saw the tripwire attached low to the ground but couldn't be bothered to trigger them. I know they saw me, so I figured that I'd just wait for him to come and get me.

I escaped Zayn's apartment after all, I hitchhiked all the way here, I broke into my own house. And now I'm in my bedroom, reminiscing about a time when I was happy, or at least halfway there.

Sighing heavily I swipe my palms down my face in exhaustion, I barely get any sleep lately because I can't stop thinking about Harry, because he's no longer next to me when I sleep. I look down at my clothes, his doughnut shop hoodie, an old pair of black jeans ripped on one knee, and my doc martens boots that I found in the entryway, I missed wearing them. I honestly look like shit right now, mostly because i'm still beaten up and I look tired as fuck.

Standing up I walk through the closet and to the bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet the first I see is my prescription medication. I smirk when I see it, because I haven't taken this thing in ages. And to think I used to have panic attacks when I forgot to take it, now i've completely forgotten about this. I remember how I felt like shit when I first was in withdrawals, I seriously felt like I was dying. Probably because it's the only strong medication I've ever taken on the daily for so many years, but also because I was already sick back then.