Ephemeral //H.S

Chapter 64

-Lucy Urbinati-

I can't think about Harry when I'm in here, I can't otherwise I won't be able to do what I need to do. He takes so much space in my head I don't think it's healthy, but then again is there a normal amount of hours you spend each day thinking about the one you love? But my thoughts around him aren't just innocent ones, I don't think about his smile, or his laugh like I used to. All I can think about is if he'll still want me, or still love me after breaking a promise like this. The thing is I don't know if I'll forgive myself so I can't expect him to forgive me, I promised I wouldn't leave again but I did and look where I am now.

When I woke up this morning, I was in my old room in Giorgio's house. The first thing I did was touch my neck, and thankfully my necklace was still there, it's the only way I have to contact Russel. I had an IV in my arm and a tall glass of water on the bedside table. My entire body ached, from the beating I got from Russel and from walking for hours barefoot through the forest.

And now I'm sitting at the dinner table, looking down and Giorgio sitting in front of me, staring right at me. But he's not the only one, Matteo is here too, standing somewhere on my right amongst other bodyguards who are also looking at me. It almost hurts my skin to move a single inch of my body with all their eyes on me, my hands are shaking but I keep them against my lap under the table and try not to move at all. My chest hurts from trying to control my breathing, it feels as if I was standing barely clothed on a stage, spotlights on me in the middle of a football stadium with everyone looking at me. The silence is deafening, I almost flinch every time someone clears their throat or when the waiters enter the room and place our plates of food in front of us.

"Bella." I almost flinch again. But I suck in a sharp breath through my nose to try and calm my nerves and look up at my grandfather. I probably look like a deer caught in headlights, giving him my doe eyes and his brows furrow slightly, he tries to look away from my face but keeps on staring at my eyes instead. It probably reminds him of when he used to be the one bruising my face like that. I swear he almost looks pained for me, for the state I'm in.

He sighs, adjusts his suit jacket and leans forward, his hand against the table and his palm open and leaned towards me as a sign for me to take it. I look down at his hand, seeing the red ink wrapping around his wrist and up to his middle finger, swallow harshly and clench my fists before relaxing my hand as I bring it over the table to place it in his. His thumb strokes my knuckles and down my middle finger, where the small red snake is inked in my skin.

"Who did this to you?" His voice is strangely soft, it's so strange to hear him trying to be calm and reassuring for me, as if I was traumatized from something and only him raising his voice would send me down a spiral, which honestly it could. So I clench my teeth and let my eyes water on their own, showing him that it hurts to say it. But because I know he doesn't like cryers, I quickly swallow it back and take a deep breath, showing him that I'm ready to speak. These are just tactics to show him that my pain is real, but that I'm strong enough to overcome it. I don't want him to think I'm soft or too emotional, he needs to think that I'm strong. If I'm strong, then he'll trust me more, and the more he trusts me the more information I'll get, the quicker I can kill him and get the fuck out of here.

"Marco Rossi." I quickly glance at Matteo who looks at me with pain in his eyes, almost as if he felt guilty. "I tried to escape during the trade but his men caught me, they crashed into my car and almost killed me. When I woke up I, I was tied to the ground with chains, I tried to escape but they.." I look down, my hand squeezing his to make him feel like holding onto his hand would help me get through this. I quickly look at his bodyguards then back at him, showing him that I'm uncomfortable. "When I tried to escape they undressed me, and someone came into the room and.." My chin trembles, even though it didn't really happen, it almost did but it didn't happen, talking about things like this still opens that door in my brain, a red door labeled november 2018.