seanathan leward imagines:)

imagine 40; ignoring the ghosts

your pov:

"in the end i think it was best that they both died." sean told me.

i sighed. "you truly think it was a happy ending for romeo and juliet to die in the end?" i asked him.

he laughed. "well you saying it, it sounds bad. but i do. i think that if they weren't happy in their normal life and they loved each other that much there's a peace that surrounds their deaths." he explained himself.

"yes but in all honesty...it was too tragic and toxic. i think that if you love someone and they die...you live for them. make them proud. that kind of stuff." i told him.

he smiled. "of course it was tragic y/n/n but imagine having your entire family despise you based on who you love. it's tragic but living in a world where your heart isn't safe is worse. but that's only my preference." he explained.

i hated that he made a point. a valid one. sean is a very smart person but debates like this between us always end with me winning. it was nice to see it differently end this time. i was getting tired.

we sat in silence for a while more. we did that most days. sometimes it was because we didn't know what to say. sometimes it was because we had already said what needed to be said. and other times it was because we weren't comfortable talking about it.

suddenly he turned towards me and he was talking. i hadn't realized that i hadn't been listening until he touched me.

his hand rested on my shoulder and i shook my head to get out of my zone and meet his eyes. "sorry i went blank for a bit." he laughed. i appreciated that. most people would be angry or feel ignored. but he knew i wasn't being ignorant. i just couldn't help myself.

"that's okay." he smiled at me and my heart stopped panicking.

we stayed like that again. for a while. and found myself studying him.

sometimes i forget that sean has dimples. they show even when he talks. and i loved that. i also loved that one of his eyes closes more than the other when he laughs. and the fact that he makes me leave a scrunchie at his house so that i always have one when i come over because he knows i forget to bring one.

i love the fact that he'll still make me peanut butter and jelly all the time even when he could truly cook anything else and be more proud of it. but i also love the fact that when he cooks intricately he makes me come over and taste things for him as he cooks.

i love that he smiles at me when i apologize to him. for miscellaneous things. and i love that he gives me new hoodies in exchange for the ones he's already lent me. purely because he says he likes the fact that they smell like my perfume when he gets them back.

i love the fact that he makes fun of me without bullying me. i love that it doesn't hurt me when he says mean things. i love that he asks me what's wrong instead of  "are you good?" or "are you okay?" because he doesn't have to guess or ask what i'm feeling to know it.

i love that he calls me by my last name only all the time.

and the more i do this zoning out thing i always get scared.

because the more attached you get to someone the more vulnerable you are to heartbreak. because relationships only end up with marriage or heartbreak. that's the scariest thing to me. knowing that i gave my all to someone and we could have to just move on with our lives whether it was healthy relationship or not. things can always end.