Last A Lifetime (Louisiana Series #1)

Kabanata 28

28 - Mess

I heard a machine, the one I usually hear whenever I am at the hospital. It was beeping and it was the only sound I can hear. Nahigit ko ang hininga at agad na idinilat ang mga mata ko. There were bunch of people around me. Mayroong nakalagay sa aking bibig na abot sa ilong. I couldn't move. My chest was hurting so bad. Pilit kong inilibot ang mga mata ko sa paligid. There were machines and silver equipments. Am I in the hospital?

I can't understand what I am feeling. I am in pain. I am suffering. I am hurting and I cannot do anything about it. I closed my eyes as the machine produced a fast sound. What is happening to me? Is this a dream?

Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it. Someone said that, but I cannot remember who was it. I agree to him. Death is a part of life. Lahat ay mamamatay at parte iyon ng buhay. Everything and everyone comes to an end. Everyone hates life but loves death. Maybe it is because life is a beautiful lie and death is the painful truth.

They say that goodbyes are only for people who loved with their eyes. But if you love with your heart and soul, there is no separation in that.

Now, how do I say goodbye? How do I let go of everything that I wanted to stay forever? How do I leave as fast as that? I didn't even tell my lola and Carla that I love them. I didn't have the courage to tell Spencer what I feel. How do I leave like this?

"Hey.. You're awake.."

I blinked twice as I felt someone holding my hand. I parted my lips and forced myself to swallow. My throat feels dry. Masakit ang katawan ko at lamig ang nararamdaman ko. There was something in my nose. Is this for the oxygen?

I looked around and realized that I am in the hospital again. I tried to move my fingers gently. Pilit kong pinanatili ang pagkakabukas ng mga mata ko. There was someone. Someone is here.

My vision is blurry and I couldn't see properly. Agad akong nakaramdam ng kaba nang maramdaman ko ang hawak niya sa braso ko. The memory from the plantasyon creeps into my mind. Namuo ang luha ko. He's here.

"U-umalis ka rito.." my voice broke.

Ayokong malaman niya. Ayokong makita niya akong ganito. Ayokong manatili siya at ayokong masaktan siya sa nangyayari. He can't be stuck here with me.

"Shh.. How do you feel? Does anything hurt?"

He gently touched my hair and sat down the side of the bed. He hushed me and continued touching my hand. Tumulo ang munting luha mula sa mata ko sa pangamba at hirap na nararamdaman.

"Parang awa mo na.. Iwanan mo ako.." bulong ko.

"I'll call your doctor, okay? I'll be back."

I coughed and closed my eyes. Pilit kong ininda ang sakit na nararamdaman sa dibdib. I am so worried. Did he know? Sinabi na ba sa kaniya ni lola? Did he talk to my doctor? Alam niya ba ang kondisyon ko? Hanggang saan ang malaman niya?

I coughed again and felt pain in my chest. Nang libutin ng paningin ko ang paligid ay puro equipment ang nakita ko. The machine beside me continued beeping. Masakit ang kamay ko dahil sa IV. I feel so uncomfortable. I am here again. It's happening again and this time, Spencer knew.

Bumukas ang pinto ng ospital at iniluwa no'n ang isang nurse kasama si Dra. Ferrer. Spencer was there too. Hindi ko magawang ngumiti man lang sa doktor dahil sa pangangamba ko. Sana ay hindi niya nalaman. Sana ay wala siyang alam.

The nurse started to chart. Nang ibigay niya iyon kay Dra. Ferrer ay napabuntong-hininga siya. She pursed her lips and formally stood in front of me. Si Spencer ay nanatili malapit sa pinto.