Last A Lifetime (Louisiana Series #1)

Kabanata 29

29 – Choose

Hindi naging maayos ang kalagayan ko sa mga sumunod na araw. Three days have passed and I didn't feel any changes in me. The nasal cannula was still in my nose. Oras-oras ay mayroong nurse o kaya naman intern na pumupunta sa akin para alamin ang kalagayan ko.

It was tiring for me. Mahina ang katawan ko at wala akong ibang magawa kung hindi ang humiga, kumain, at matulog lang. I was pale and I don't even have an appetite. Puro panghihina ang nararamdaman ko at wala nang iba.

Lola stayed with me throughout the entire days. I never saw Spencer again. Hindi ko alam kung umalis na ba siya o pumupunta pa rin kung tulog ako upang hindi ako magalit. Hindi ko naman magawang magtanong kay lola dahil nahihiya ako. I was just worried. Gusto ko lang talagang malaman kung umalis na siya.

I thought about what lola said to me. Na sana ay hayaan ko siyang malaman ang nararamdaman ko at hayaan siyang manatili. I don't know what to do. Pinaalis ko na siya, tapos ngayon ay hihilahin ko naman pabalik?

I don't want him to suffer with me. He can't be attached to this. This is my mess and I don't want him to meddle with me. Para na rin ito sa kaniya, hindi siya mahihirapan kapag ganito.

I chuckled with the thought. Nahihirapan na rin naman siya ngayon. I am pushing him away and he clearly doesn't like it. He wants to stay, fight, and suffer with me. Iyon ang gusto niya at hindi ko malaman kung paano ako sasang-ayon.

I need to talk to him. Apologize and ask him if he's serious about this. Dahil tama si lola at mas mahihirapan siya sa ginagawa ko. If he wants to be involved, then I'll let him. Bago iyon, kailangan naming mag-usap. This is not a game. Buhay ko ang pinag-uusapan dito at kung mawala man ako ay dapat niyang kayanin. There is no certainty that I'll live. So he needs to be sure that he wants to be with me.

I was sleeping the next day when I felt someone entered my room. Mukhang isa iyon sa mga nurse o intern. She checked something and left immediately. Naiwan ako sa kuwarto at hindi ko alam kung nasaan si lola. Pati si Spencer ay hindi ko alam kung babalik pa.

Nagising ako nang magdilim at naroon na si lola. Nakatulog din naman ako agad matapos ang tatlong oras na pagpapahinga lang. Mahina pa rin ako at panay ang konsulta sa akin ng mga doktor. Kada bubukas ang pinto ay nagigising ako, umaasang baka siya ang papasok. Kailangan naming mag-usap, at kailangan ay sa lalong madaling panahon.

I inhaled deeply as I tried to opened my eyes again. Ang una kong nakita ay ang puting kisame at ang nakabubulag na liwanag. I closed my eyes again and felt my chest hurting. Sinubukan kong igalaw ang kanan kong braso dahil sa pagkangalay.

Someone moved after I move. Marahan akong bumaling sa kanan ko upang tignan kung sino iyon. My lips parted when I saw him. Nakayuko siya sa tabi ko, hawak ang braso ko. Looks like he's sleeping. Halata ang puyat sa mga mata niya. Hindi ko magawang ngumiti dahil sa hingal. I'm happy he's here, we need to talk.

"Spencer.." I whispered.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave.." He immediately stood up. "Tatawagin ko si lola."

Sandali niyang inayos ang puti niyang T-shirt bago tumalikod. I breathed deeply and forced myself to move my hand to touch him. He stopped and turned to me.

"S-sorry.."

I coughed and put my hand back to the bed. I feel weaker today. Spencer sat back down and gently touched my arm. Medyo magulo ang kaniyang buhok at talagang pagod.

"You don't have to apologize to me. I understand." He answered.

I smiled and closed my eyes. Muli akong umubo nang mahina saka humihingal na tumingin sa kaniya. I know he's scared and worried. Kitang-kita ko iyon sa mga mata niya.