Control ~Levi x Reader~ {Modern AU}

34

Y/N POV

I cried myself to sleep last night. 

I felt overwhelmed. 

Levi and I didn't argue in the evening which I was thankful for, I just got really overwhelmed.

I care about him. I'm not scared to admit that. 

I think my worries come in when I think about if he actually cares about me. 

I get we were forced into this marriage, but I know I can't have anyone to go and confide in. It has to be Levi.

We would be looked down upon if one of us is seen to be confiding in someone else.

What I said to Levi was true yesterday. 

We live together, and I am going to rely on him. 

It doesn't matter if we are keeping things platonic or going forward and making things romantic, I am going to rely emotionally on him. 

As much as we would want to avoid one another, we just can't, we live together god damn it. 

Even though he doesn't share what he is feeling, I would have liked knowing at least something last night. 

How he was feeling maybe. 

I know he apologized but its still tough. 

And he got all soft on me last night when I cried last night. 

He intentionally held onto me to make me feel better. 

It wasn't terrible, I just don't think it was the best option. I am still glad he didn't just leave me ti cry there though. 

It is just tough. 

When I woke up, Levi was still sleeping. 

I was facing him and he was facing me. 

And he was still holding onto me. 

Although there was some space between us.

He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, like he has no worries in life. 

That made me smile lightly.

I wonder what he has planned. 

I turned over and reached for my phone on the bed side table, but I was pulled back. 

"Did you need to pee?" I heard Levi ask quietly still consumed by the tiredness. 

"No I was just reaching for my phone." I whispered to him. 

He let go of me just a little. 

I checked the time on my phone and in about 15 minutes, Levi's alarm will go off. 

"How did you sleep?" Levi asked with his eyes closed and still holding onto me. 

"I slept ok, I just feel really heavy right now is all." I said to him. 

"And how did you sleep?" I asked him quietly. 

His eyes fluttered open lightly and looked at me. 

"I've had better sleep, but that's probably because it was knew to be holding you." He said still sounding tired. His voice sounded groggy. 

"You know you don't have to continue holding me right." I stated quietly but enough for him to hear. 

"I'm aware." He said. 

I really don't get this man. 

If  he's just trying to get affection to get in my pants it's not happening. 

"I never brought it up, but I am really proud of the way you handled everything with Tanya. You stepped up and made sure she was safe and comfortable with us." He said while looking at me. 

"She's a child. Would you have not done the same?" I asked him. 

Of course I made her feel welcomed and safe. 

I wasn't going to kick her to the curb when there was a whole perv out and about on the playground where there are other kids. 

"I probably wouldn't of had been as calm and collected as you were. I also don't really give off that welcoming friendly vibe like you do." 

"It was an instinct in me that told me something was wrong. I saw you looked annoyed when she sat down with us. That's what made me welcome her in. She was a child in need." I said to him. 

I looked up at him and he looked down towards me. 

"I think, in the future, you'd make a great mother." He said lowly. 

I don't even know if I was supposed to hear that. 

But I'll acknowledge it. 

"You really think so?" I asked. 

"I mean how can you not. Sure there are bound to be mess ups along the way, but that is with everything. Even our marriage. Of course we'll have another life to look after, but I know you'll be nurturing." 

He held such soft eyes. 

"I mean it is going to be trial and error with a child. There is no doubting that." 

"Are you feeling any better from yesterday?" Levi asked me. 

Not really but I have accepted that he isn't going to open up to me right now. 

"Slightly, I just wished we would have talked more about how you were feeling in the morning. But its ok, I have accepted that  you aren't really one to openly talk about how you are feeling. Just... if you are feeling like that again, please tell me." I said sounding sad. 

"I'll work on properly expressing how I am feeling. It'll just take time. Just know a lot happened internally during the morning. I'm sorry that I made you upset yesterday." He said. He sounded like he was genuine. 

"And I appreciate you working to properly express yourself. Like I said, you are stuck with me. We're young so we have quite a bit of time together." I said to him smiling softly. 

About 2 minutes later his alarm went off. 

He finally released me when he turned to turn it off. 

He sat up in bed. 

"Why don't you sleep a little more? It is still early enough." He said looking at me with soft eyes again.

"I'm ok, I feel completely awake now. I can get a head start to my day." I said to him. 

"If you say so. I need to go shower now." He got up, rummaged through he drawer of the dresser and then headed into the closet to retrieve his slacks and an undershirt. 

He exited our bedroom and I heard him close the bathroom door. 

I'll admit, it didn't feel as tense as yesterday, but it really could be a lot worse. 

I can tell he really is trying. 

Have I completely forgiven him for what he did yesterday? 

No. 

Can I move past it though? 

Yeah, I think I can. 

Like he said, it was an off day and it has happening internally, I was probably just adding fuel to the fire. That's all. 

I just want him to soften up, even if it's a little.