If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 30

Chapter song: Without My Heart by Khalil Underwood
(Justin's pov)
It was so quiet with only the sound of the beeping noises. I couldn't even hear Christie breathing, but I know she's alive.
"You ok in here, bro?"
Za entered the room.
"Yea. How'd it go?"
I turned around to look at him.
"Pretty good"
He shrugged, failing to smile.
"Thank you so so much, Za. I don't know how I can ever repay you"
I spoke sincerely.
"No problem. I just hope she makes it"
Za glanced behind me at Christie.
"Me too"
I didn't look behind me again. It's too much.
"I know you feel terrible, Justin-"
"I can't live without her. She's everything to me"
I put my head in my hands again.
"Justin-"
"Excuse me, but I'm afraid you have to leave the room. We have to take her into surgery"
A nurse cut in. I didn't reply, just walked out.
"Let's go back. It's 7am, and we need to eat"
Za and I made our way back. I didn't want to leave Christie. I watched as they took her away.
"Is she ok?"
Brie was the first to speak.
"She's not dead"
Was all I said and took Drew in my arms.
"There's a cafe upstairs if you don't wanna leave the hospital"
Ryan stated. I nodded, and we entered the elevator.
"I think there's a McDonald's too"
Khalil spoke as the elevator opened, and sure enough, there was. There was also a small store, so I went in looking for something to feed Drew with. Luckily, they had baby food. I grabbed it then got myself a small bag of Cheetos before I paid. Drew started to make noises as I walked out.
"I know you're hungry"
I sat him in my lap then opened the baby food.
"This'll make you feel better, Drew"
I fed him. He smiled and clapped his hands.
"Told you"
I weakly smiled at him and fed him more.
"There you are"
The others walked up to me.
"Drew was hungry"
I had a good excuse.
"Khalil and Kayla will be back soon"
Za stated once I realized Khalil and Kayla weren't here. We all knew why.
"I'll take over for you. You should eat something"
Stacy offered and opened the bag of Cheetos for me.
"Thanks"
I ate a Cheeto then felt my phone buzz. It was obviously Jason, because it was an unknown number. I don't wanna talk to this motherfucker right now.
"What do you fucking want?"
I really wasn't in the mood for this.
"Heard the news bout Christie. That's just too bad. I wanted to kill her myself, but I guess she did the job for me"
Jason snickered, like this was even close to funny to him.
"Shut the hell up! I'm so sick of you! Just go to hell and stay there, because you have no reason to be here!"
I spat into the phone.
"Drew is next"
Jason sounded amused.
"Shut up!"
I slammed my phone on the floor, shattering it into pieces. I don't give a damn.
"Justin, calm down. Let it go. He's not worth it"
Ryan and Za were on my side.
"I don't care! We're ending this tonight!"
I snapped at them.
"We have to change plans. You need to be here for Christie, bro"
Za tried to talk me out of this, and it worked. I sat down and put my head on a table.
"Don't stress yourself, Justin. We'll get rid of him, just not tonight"
Ryan added and patted my back.
"...Fine"
I muttered and closed my eyes.
"...I'm gonna talk to the doctor"
I stood up and ran a hand through my hair.
"We'll stay here. Do you want to take Drew?"
Stacy asked.
"I think you should hold onto him. He seems tired"
I suggested then went back upstairs.
"Excuse me. I need to see the doctor"
I walked up to the front desk.
"Who was her patient?"
The desk assistant asked.
"Christie Bieber"
I replied, starting to get impatient.
"Ok, she'll be out in a moment"
The lady said, and I waited in the waiting room, not bothering to sit down. The door opened, and a woman walked out. I assumed she was a doctor, because she wore a name tag labeled 'Dr. Woods'
"You are with Christie?"
She smiled nicely at me.
"Yes. Is she ok?"
I was nervous to hear the answer.
"First of all, she's not mentally stable, because she attempted suicide. Do you know about her disorders?"
Her smile disappeared.
"Yes"
I was a bit guilty for answering. It makes me look like I purposely didn't help Christie.
"She was very close to dying, and luckily, your friend gave her blood. Christie needs help, and I'm sure you're aware of it. We'll have to transfer her to another hospital, where her disorders will be treated properly"
The doctor spoke seriously. Properly?
"I understand. Can I see her, please?"
I hated all these rules. Christie's fine with me. I can take care of her myself.
"Yes, she's in the same room"
The doctor answered. I rushed into the hall, searching for the same room I was in. Once I found it, I entered and saw everything was exactly the same. There was a clipboard on the chair. I picked it up and read what was on the paper. Her weight was 67lbs. I sighed and cursed under my breath. She thinks she's fat? What the hell is wrong with her hea-Stop! I can't do this to her again. She's not fucked up. She's just hurt. Almost all the disorders listed were checked: Anorexia, Bulimia, anxiety, depression. Not to mention, suicide and self harm.
I frustratedly threw the clipboard on the floor then put my head in my hands.
"Godammit, Christie"
My throat hurt from holding back tears. Suddenly, I heard a quiet whimpering and a small soft moan. I snapped my head up to see Christie stirring lightly. I stood up quickly and leaned close to her, feeling the coldness of her skin.
"Christie?"
I whispered about 5 inches away from her. She let out a pained, soft groan then started whimpering. Her eyes fluttered, starting to open slightly. I gently placed my hand on her pale cheek. Soon enough, I was in contact with her beautiful brown eyes.
"Hey, Christie. Can you hear me, baby?"
I was so close to crying with my eyes filling up with tears. Her lips twitched into a pout as her eyes welled with tears also. Everything felt broken inside me.
"Christie..."
I felt frozen, staring quietly into her teary eyes. She started to cry, releasing the tears from her eyes.
"It's ok, Christie"
I leaned close enough for her to cry in my shoulder, breaking into tears as well. She cried and cried. I thought she would never stop crying, but it's not like I can stop either.
"I'm sorry"
She whispered so painfully that more tears built in my eyes.
"Don't ever do this to me again"
I cried into her neck.
"I don't feel good"
She started to whimper.
"What's wrong, baby?"
I dried my face and moved away.
"My head"
She cried then held her stomach.
"I'll be right back, babygirl"
I rushed into the hall and got a nurse, then I led her into Christie's room. The nurse spoke with Christie, but I couldn't focus. I had to stop crying first, so I took deep breaths and put myself back together. When the nurse left, I went back to Christie to see her still crying.
"Are you ok?"
I held her hand gently.
"I'm sorry"
She sobbed hurtfully.
"It's ok, baby. It's ok"
I carefully pressed our foreheads together. She didn't stop crying.
"Shh, Christie, we're ok. It's all gonna be fine. Look at me"
I dried her eyes with my hand, and she looked at me.
"Don't cry anymore. It's ok. I love you"
I teared up again, so I dried my eyes. She nodded lightly and started to calm down. I caressed her cheek and stayed close to her until her breathing was normal.
"Why'd you do it?"
I finally thought out loud.
"I-I felt so disgusting and dirty, because of what they did to me. I felt like you would be happier without me"
She held back tears and whispered into my ear.
"Christie...how could I possibly be happy without you? You're everything to me. I couldn't live without you here. You make me so damn happy, and if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I could've done so much more than talk to you"
I wiped her tears away again.
"What's wrong with me?"
Christie's voice broke.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong with you, Christie. You mean so much to so many people"
I can't stand to hear her speak like this.
"You don't deserve to go through this"
She whispered since her voice was breaking.
"I'm ok. Don't worry about me, baby. Do you feel ok?"
I ran my hand through her thin hair.
"My head still hurts a little bit, and my..."
She lifted her wrist, noticing it was bandaged.
"The pain will go away soon"
I put her arm back under the blanket. I don't wanna think about her wrist again.
"I'm sorry, Justin"
She mumbled sadly.
"...You did almost give me a heart attack"
I smiled out of concern.
"Sorry"
Her eyes narrowed.
"Don't worry about it. You should rest. I'm won't go anywhere"
I held her hand as careful as I could since it was on the same wrist she cut. I'm so happy she's alive, but I know she's not ok. I could tell she felt really bad, but this isn't about me. It never was.

(A/N: My throat hurts, but I can't miss school😢 Next post is on Saturday💜)

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