If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 40

(Christie's pov, again)
-9pm-
The nurse got my doctor, and the doctor said that she had to do a scan on me. I felt like something was terribly wrong. Justin seemed stressed and worried. I really feel for him, because he has to deal with me, watch out for his brother, and, now, get Drew back.
"Are you ok, baby?"
Justin held my hand as the doctor scanned my stomach. She was too busy to answer any of our questions.
"My stomach hurts."
I muttered and placed my lips on his palm.
"I'll tell the doctor to get you some medicine once she finishes."
Justin's eyes were worried. They've looked like that ever since I got raped. Even when he was smiling, his eyes were worried. Knowing that Justin's keeping in so much pain makes me want to hug him tight.
"Oh, no...I'm so sorry."
The doctor broke my thoughts with a gasp and sympathetic tone.
"What is it?"
I was worried myself, and I knew Justin was too.
"It seems that...you have a miscarriage."
The doctor looked and sounded painfully sorry. No, this can't happen. It can't. I lost my voice. I couldn't do anything except cry, so that's what I did. My heart didn't feel like it was even in my body anymore.
"Do you wa-"
"Give me a minute."
I choked out then cried harder.
"No."
I cried and sobbed as if it would actually let out my pain.
"Christie, I'm so sorry."
Justin looked like he wanted to cry too. I hugged him and broke down in his shirt. He held me like it was a matter of life or death. I started screaming and bawling in his chest. I hate myself! It's not fair!
"No!"
I screamed and dug my hands into Justin's back.
"This is all my fault!"
I cried loudly and squeezed Justin to release my anger, guilt, and pain.
"Shh, Christie, it's not your fault."
Justin tried to break my hold, but I just cried and screamed louder.
"Why?!"
I was hiccuping, and my throat hurt from screaming. My head is starting to ache as well.
"Christie! This isn't your fault, baby."
Justin finally broke my hold and cupped my face in his hands.
"No! Justin, I can't take this!"
I cried and pushed his hands away to break down on the floor.
"I want to kill myself! Please, it's too much!"
I cried and looked for anything that could kill me.
"Stop! Christie, no!"
Justin pinned me down on the floor before I could find anything.
"Listen, we will get through this. Christie, don't give up on me. I never gave up on you. I know it hurts, baby, but it's not your fault. It's just life. Christie, I love you. Now...say you love me too."
Justin started crying, making everything 10x worse.
"I love you."
I hugged him and cried.
"It's gonna be ok. I promise you, Christie."
He sniffled and kissed my head. I can't believe it. Nothing will ever be ok. Drew's probably dead, I have my husband's brother's dead baby in my stomach, and I'm gonna be sent to a fucking mental hospital. How can anything be ok?
"I know this hurts, babygirl, and I'm sorry for everything. Christie, the last thing I need right now is to lose you, so please don't die. We'll get through this. We're gonna make it...together, ok?"
Justin shed another tear and whimpered a little. I nodded and motioned him to get the doctor. When the nurse came back in, she started explaining what will happen next. I wasn't listening. I wanted to shut everything out and be alone. I'm so tired of trying. I'm tired of everything being perfectly fine; then it all crashes down. I WAS gonna have this baby, and I WAS gonna get better...but it's harder than I thought. I didn't kno-
"Christie, baby, are you listening?"
Justin interrupted my thoughts. His eyes were still puffy, and his nose was still pink. I nodded, even though I had no clue what the doctor's been saying.
"We're gonna have to get rid of the remains."
Oh, no. Don't think about it. I told myself. Don't think about how it's your fault. It's all your fault that the baby didn't make it. Don't think about it.
"Ok, Christie, we're gonna take you in."
The doctor spoke, and I nodded. I really just want to die, but Justin would be torn. I wish everything was ok again. I wish we could be back in our house, safe and happy. I wish Drew was here and we'd all have fun as a family. I want everything to be ok again.
-12am-
I'm tired. The doctor and nurses took the all traces of the baby out of me. I hated it. I could've done so much more than keep my hopes up. Justin was right. It's impossible to have a baby when you're fucked up. When I got back to Justin, he was crying. It hurt me so bad that I had to run to him and hugged him tight. I haven't stopped crying since I got the news. I just need Justin to hold me, even though it won't take away the pain. Justin laid me down on the hospital bed and held me close.
"I'm so sorry, Christie. You don't deserve to go through this. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. I'm sorry for everything."
Justin was wetting my shoulder with his tears, and I was wetting his shirt. I can't speak. Anything I say right now will cause another breakdown.
-6am-
(Justin's pov)
Christie's been quiet and broken for a whole 6 hours. We've had many moments like this, where we sit in silence and let the pain sink in. If I could trade places with her, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I'm not a miracle worker. I never was. I can't make things better, but I can sure make things worse. Christie's broken all over. She won't speak. She won't make eye contact, and she sure in hell can't eat. So much for things getting better. I hate being right when it comes to Christie. I wish I never told her that she couldn't give birth. I just didn't want to lose her. However, in this case, I might lose her either way. She wants to kill herself, because she thinks it's her fault. It's not...but it kinda is. She didn't take care of herself. I can't do shit to help her. I can only hold her, but whatever I say right now will make it worse.
"We're ba-ack!"
Za barged in excitedly.
"Woah, what's wrong?"
Ryan noticed that neither me nor Christie were smiling.
"I'll tell you later."
I muttered sadly.
"Bieber, we need to talk."
Khalil told me.
"Whatever you tell me, you're telling Christie, man."
I knew Christie was too caught up in her mind to hear, but I didn't feel like breaking my hold on her.
"Ok, so we're planning to get back at Jason tonight. We need to end this soon before things get worse."
He spoke seriously.
"Worse?"
I questioned. Last time I checked Jason hadn't made contact with me since that phone call.
"Your brother's been watching us, following us, Bieber. Stacy said someone was following her the other night. We can't go back home. There are bombs and explosives all over our apartments. It's not safe for anyone."
Khalil explained.
"...Damn, ok, so what are we doing tonight?"
I asked him, feeling a slight whimper from Christie.
"We're gonna murder his ass, get your boy back, then get the hell out of here."
Khalil stated simply.
"Ok, that's cool with me."
But then I felt Christie squeeze my shoulder and whimper again.

(A/N: jc Do any of you guys like Pierce the Veil? Next post is on Saturday)